


It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn

by kaitatatertot



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Coffee Shops, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone gets help, Everything Hurts, F/M, Group Therapy, Hallucinations, Homelessness, Marriage Proposal, Post-Game, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Romance, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Violence, Wendigo, everyone will be okay in the end i swear, progression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 17:11:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4928134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitatatertot/pseuds/kaitatatertot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Immediately after the events at Blackwood Pines, the gang try to pick up the pieces of their lives.<br/>However things aren't always that easy.</p><p> </p><p>[Edit: Mini Hiatus while Mun gets other stories straightened out. Plot is completely ironed out. Secondary: Updates may take longer.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Survivor on the Mountain

**Author's Note:**

> I am super creative with titles.
> 
> Hi everyone! I've become absorbed into the Until Dawn fandom and needed to write a story about it.  
> Updates will be irregular, but hopefully not too few and far between.

 

How much time had passed? A day? A week? A month? Josh wasn’t aware, nor did he really care how long he had been holed out in the depths of the mountain. Soft moonlight filtered through the hole in the cave ceiling, and the soft chatter of other nocturnal creatures called Josh out of his hiding place, and up to the surface.

The mountain wasn’t as cold as he remembered as his hands occasionally scraped the snow-covered ground. Everything felt numb as the young man scavenged around for something, anything to eat.

And then he found it, with his half-blind eye Josh spotted a body dangling from a meat hook. A gnawing hunger roared through his stomach and Josh lunged at the corpse, pulling it from the hook. He growled happily and clawed his way into the bare intestines of the Stranger. Blood and sinewy tissue dripped from his nails as he brought a gory chunk of liver to his distorted mouth and slowly took a bite.

The taste was something familiar to another thing he had tried earlier, when he was absolutely starving and cold and exhausted, when in the darkness something kind and warm presented him with the one thing that would drive the hunger away.

Josh took another bite, the growling in his stomach subsiding as he ate more and more ravenously. Strings of muscle and flesh hung from his teeth as bloody mucus rolled down his jaw. The world around him slowly turned black and all he cared about was ending the aching hunger that panged up between bites.

“We found another survivor, I repeat, we found another survivor.” The voice startled Josh from his feast. He glared at the group. There appeared to be three people staring back at him, shining their lights in his eyes. He raised his head an inch higher and let out a growl before launching himself at the group.

In the blink of an eye the butt end of a rifle came into view and sent Josh flying backwards.

“Ah fuckin’ Wendigo.” A female voice grumbled.

Josh scrambled to his feet and glared at the woman in front of him. She looked to be about 50, her long black hair was tied in a segmented ponytail that hung over her shoulder. Dark brown eyes glinted something fierce as she held up the burning end of a strange bundle of herbs. The scent of the smoke that wafted from her was sickeningly strong and the second soul inhabiting Josh shrieked. His brain ached sharply as the woman drew closer, her lips uttering a chant in a strangely familiar tongue.

Josh snarled and bared his fangs but did not make any advances until the older woman thrust the bundle of herbs forward and smudged the ashed down his face. His body felt like it was being torn apart as the world strangely grew brighter before he collapsed to the ground.

 

* * *

 

“Goddamn Cassie what the fuck did you do?!” A younger ranger exclaimed as the older woman began tying up Josh.

“Wendigo, my people had legends of them, never thought it would get to a kid like this though…” The senior ranger, Cassie, sighed.

“Well...do we have to worry about this...Wendigo now?” the other ranger asked, tightening their hands around their flashlight.

“Nah, sage will banish out any spirit.” Cassie tucked the remaining stump of the sage bundle into Josh’s collar, “Now come on, we gotta get this kid to a hospital.”

 

* * *

 

_Josh how could you? How could you hurt them Josh?_ The faint voices of Hannah and Beth wailed.

Josh’s eyes shot open to the sight of an unfamiliar ceiling. Everything hurt, especially his mouth. He brought a tentative hand up to his lips, feeling the telltale tracks of stitches running over his cheeks from the corner of his mouth. He ran his tongue over his gums, noticing that a large portion of his teeth were missing.

“Ah, finally awake I see. Afternoon mister ah…” The doctor flipped through a file, “Josh Washington...My name is Dr. Havarti.”

Josh went to speak, but found his lips sutured shut.

_You’re a monster Josh_

“Please, don’t trouble yourself, and don’t worry. We’ve contacted your family and are making the arrangements to transfer you to a hospital back home.”

Home.

The word sounded so comforting yet so...concerning.

Home meant facing the people he hurt. Home meant reliving the trauma that he tried so hard to escape.

_THEY HATE YOU JOSH._

Josh didn’t want to go home.


	2. Closeness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 Week after the incident at Blackwood Pines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm trying a different way to lay out this fic.  
> I'm going to try and mimic the game's way it focuses on one to two characters at a time  
> I'll timestamp each chapter to show when each chapter takes place.
> 
> Thank you all for reading.

Ashley and Chris grew closer after the events at Blackwood Pines, not only out of fondness, but out of necessity. After everything that happened, the two were never seen far apart. So it wasn’t surprising when Chris grew increasingly worried as the day passed and Ashley hadn’t called. Yes he was worried, but he knew that she also needed her space. During the past week Ashley had grown more irritable and distant, she never smiled and her eyes reflected a deep sadness.

As he walked down the street Chris tried to think up why Ashley had grown so distraught over the past week, but nothing seemed to connect. Nothing bad had happened recently, well except for failing that one test in English, that did seem to throw her for a loop...but not enough to be so upset. None of her cats had died...Nope, nothing seemed too out of the ordinary.

His stomach grumbled, oh right, he hadn’t eaten yet. Chris shook himself from his thoughts and turned into the diner that he and Ashley often frequented, mentally hoping that maybe she would be there too.

However, no such luck.

“Afternoon hon,” The hostess smiled sweetly and led him to a table by the window, “Where’s your girlfriend? She not feelin’ well?”

Chris shrugged, a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something was wrong.

“Maybe she caught a cold…” He mumbled to himself as he looked over the menu.

 

* * *

 

Ashley couldn’t take it anymore, between all that happened and all that she could take, the growing weight of the situation had become too much. It was her fault, she shouldn’t have joined the prank, she should have stopped someone, and then maybe everyone would be okay, maybe Josh wouldn’t be crazy (and dead, he had  to be dead by what Mike had said).

She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror, her reflection mocking her. It is her fault.

“I can’t believe you.” She hissed at the face staring back. But her reflection just stared.

She couldn’t keep on like this, reminding herself that everything that happened was her fault, listening to the chatter of her subconscious, and looking at Chris’ smiling face and…

Chris...oh Chris...He was so sweet, but even he wasn’t the same after everything. It was obvious that his mind had  shut out all recollection of what happened, the way that he always looked like nothing was wrong, like everything in the world was perfect. Like she was perfect. Like she had done nothing wrong.

“ _He’ll push you out of his thoughts, like he’d done with Blackwood_ ” Her reflection laughed, “He’ll go on, find someone so much better than you.”

“Shut up.” Ashley snarled into the mirror, but the face on the other side laughed louder.

“SHUT UP!” She shrieked and threw her fist into the glass, shattering it. Her hand began bleeding, the sting of the glass digging deeper into her skin as she  retracted her hand only fueled her tears. Ashley collapsed to the floor and cradled her injured hand, sobs wracking her body. Everything ached worse as blood stained her clothes. She looked up at the broken mirror and swore she could still see her reflection laughing wildly back at her.

“I hate you.” She hissed through gritted teeth, and damn her hand really began hurting now. Ashley slowly picked herself up off the ground and pulled back the broken mirrored door to the medicine cabinet. With her good hand she pulled out the bottle of aspirin and popped the lid off.

Just something to take the pain away.

 

* * *

 

Chris had been sitting at the diner for over an hour and a half, the plate of eggs and hash browns had long since gone cold. He stared out the window at the people passing by, his ears picking up the distant sound of an ambulance drawing closer.

Closer.

Closer and passing by.

Chris jumped from his seat and tossed twenty dollars on the table and ran out the door after the rescue vehicle. He chased it down the street, something telling him to expect the worst.

“Oh please don’t turn right…” He panted as the ambulance slowed to turn. The right blinker flashed on and it took a sharp turn and continued speeding down the road. Chris urged his legs to carry him faster as he dashed down Ashley’s road. Panic flooded his thoughts and he came skidding to a stop as he witnessed a stretcher being wheeled out of his girlfriend’s house.

“Ashley!” He cried as he ran to the scene.

The sight nearly broke him. She looked so fragile lying there shaking, dried streams of spit and activated charcoal trailed down her chin as she weakly sobbed. Her lips trembled with hoarse words as  tears rolled down her cheeks. The EMTs lifted her into the back of the ambulance, mumbling soft orders to one another while one of the EMTs talked to Ashley’s parents.

Chris approached the group, “What...what happened?”

“She...She tried to...co-commit suicide.” Ashley’s mom whimpered and wiped away her tears, “We thought...she was...okay...We knew after what happened with Josh really hurt her, but...to just…”

“ _What happened with Josh?_ ” Chris pondered, then something sparked. Everyone did go to the cabin last weekend. Maybe they had gotten into a fight? Maybe something happened with his sisters?  He tried his hardest to think up some possibility, but his memories became nothing but a hazy mess.  
The sound of the ambulance leaving snapped Chris from his thoughts and he watched as the red and white lights fade into the distance. As he walked back home, the world felt a lot smaller and a lot colder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have Repressed Memory Chris and Depressed Ashley,  
> and this is just the beginning.


	3. Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 Week after the incident at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's keeping up on this story,   
> It means a lot to me!

“Emily! Emily Nicole Bloom! You get your ass back down here! Wait until your father gets home!” Emily’s mother screeched as the teen stormed her way upstairs. The entire week had been nothing but chaos for her family. Whenever she tried to tell her parents what had happened up at the lodge, they just dismissed her claims, saying that she was covering up for something, but no matter how much she argued that she was telling the truth, her parents would not have it.

Emily slammed the door behind her and locked it. To hell with her parents, they didn’t understand her, not now and not ever. They raised her into a life of perfection, where coming in second meant that she was the first loser, where the world was divided into black and white, and where not even for a second could she slip from her pedestal.

Except she had fallen, crashed and burned after the events on Mount Washington, and she was constantly reminded by the deep scar on her shoulder. A reminder of imperfection, of failure, how could she be the best when she looked like the worst? Emily stared at herself for a long time, her hands trembling when she reached into the drawer next to her and picked up the blade she had salvaged from one of her razors. With a deep inhale she brought the small blade up to her shoulder and slowly dragged it down, just enough to break skin.

Her thoughts cleared and focused only on the stinging pain. She was a pressure cooker waiting to burst and this was the only way she could relieve some of that aching pressure. The thin red lines soon trailed down her entire upper arm, a few bubbling up with blood that soon slowly spilled over. Emily sighed and grabbed a tissue to dab away the blood then reached for the bottle of aspirin on her vanity. She dryly took two, just enough to dull the pain and ignore the regret she would be feeling soon.

“Emily?” Her father boomed from outside.

But Emily remained silent.

“Emily! Your mother said that she saw a razor blade in one of your drawers. What’s this about?”

“ _Shit_ ” Her eyes widened.

“I won’t have my daughter be some kind of emo, we raised you better.” The knob on her door jiggled violently.

Emily scrambled around her room, throwing a change of clothes, her razor, and her aspirin into her backpack before opening her window and crawling out onto the fire escape. She needed to find somewhere safe.

_Matt_

 

* * *

 

Matt was laying in his bed, headphones on, and blasting his music as loud as he could to drown out the sound of screaming in his thoughts. His father was shocked when he heard the news that the Washington’s cabin had burnt down because of a gas leak, (Matt didn’t dare tell his father that the unholy spawn of Satan were there too) but was more than ecstatic that his son was fine. Matt rolled over on his side then threw his headphones off when he saw Emily out on the fire escape, shivering. He ran over and opened the window, letting the freezing girl in.

“Emily? What are you doing here?” He helped her through the window and shut it behind her.

“My...parents...they’re too much, they don’t understand…” She sobbed and dropped her bag on the floor, “I just...I need to be away from them…”

Matt felt bad for his girlfriend, he knew how controlling her parents could be, and he could only imagine how bad things had been since the incident. He pulled her into a light embrace, but Emily winced away, holding her arm. Right, the Wendigo had bitten her there.

“S-sorry.” Matt mumbled and rubbed the back of his head.

“Yeah…”

A minute passed in awkward silence. Matt scanned over his friend, her eyes were swollen and puffy from crying and her cheeks were red from the cold.

“Look Em, my dad’s going on a business trip tomorrow. He’ll be gone for a week, you can stay until he comes back, okay?”

Emily nodded and gave a weak smile, “Thank you Matt.”

She paced over to his bed and kicked off her shoes before curling up under his blankets, falling asleep shortly after. Matt looked over at Emily and sighed sadly.  
From the floor below he heard his father say over the phone, “No Mrs. Bloom. I haven’t seen Emily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment! I love to see how you all are taking this story!


	4. Blood and Fuzzy Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 Week after the incident at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, last chapter in the intro section of this story.  
> I know Sam wasn't really involved in this but she'll make an appearance soon.  
> (And by soon I mean next chapter).
> 
> The chapters should be longer because they will be covering a larger span of time.
> 
> Thank you all for reading.

Jessica never went home, life was tense enough there anyways with three sisters, and a divorce war between her mother and father. Instead she took up Mike’s offer to stay at his off-campus apartment while life settled down (which they both mutually knew wasn’t going to be for a while). The week had blurred by in a mess of traumatized breakdowns and sex fueled to forget everything that happened on the mountain. It had become an unhealthy method to drive the maddening thoughts of suicide out of their minds while they passed the nights screaming each other’s names. And after a week passed, they had grown tired of eachother, they had memorized every inch of each other's skin. So as the sun set on another day, Mike had an idea.

“Let's go out.” He said sliding his shirt over his head.

“Where?” Jess inquired from the next room over.

“A little club just a mile down the road, it’s got some bangin’ music.”

* * *

 

The crowd was loud, but the music was louder. Bodies thrashed and ground up against one another as the raw stench of alcohol and sweat filled the air. Lights flashed in bright colours and strange patterns, almost making the crowd seem like an ocean. And Mike wanted to get lost. He pulled Jess with him into the middle of jam-packed room and let the rhythm take over. The thrum of the bass through his veins only added more stimulation when he ran his hands over the girl with him. The building pulse only heightened his senses and as the glorious tension reached its peak, Jess was gone. Someone had stepped in between them.

The feeling of pure euphoria that once filled Mike quickly became rage as he shoved the man in front of him out of his way.

“What the fuck?” The strange man growled and shoved Mike back, but this only fueled the anger inside as Mike cocked back his fist and sent the other man sprawling to the ground. Soon the entire dance floor was caught up in the brawl. The adrenaline rush was even more exhilarating than the music had been as Mike landed blow after blow to his victim. A set of hands grabbed him by the shoulders and he thrashed out of the grasp before turning around and attacking the new offender. He could feel blood dripping down his knuckles as he pummeled the poor dancer to the ground.

A fist connected with his jaw and he was sent staggering back, blood dripping from his teeth. The metallic taste only brought back memories of Blackwood Pines and Mike leapt back into the fray, exacting revenge on whoever dared lay a hand on him.

* * *

 

Jess had manage to scramble her way off the dance floor after the first punch was thrown, and over to a cluster of tables on the far end of the club.

“Animals, aren’t they?” A man with voice like caramel laughed bitterly. Jess just looked at the man, he was roguishly handsome. His dark hair was slicked back cleanly, his suit was impeccably neat, and his face was clean shaven and sharp with angles. But the most stunning thing about him, were his eyes, they were a shocking ice blue with flecks of green. The man motioned for Jess to sit next to him and she obliged.

“You look like such a pretty thing.” The man flirted, tilting Jess’ face towards his own, he flashed a winning smile and leaned forward. Alarms in Jess’ mind blared, warning her that this was a mistake, but she ignored them, only wanting to forget for just a moment that not even ten feet from her people were practically trying to kill each other. So against all reason, she accepted this stranger’s advances, and almost instantly regretted it as his tongue forced its way past her lips and shoved a small pill down her throat.

Jess coughed and gagged, the world spun and for a moment she felt like she was going to die. Then just as quickly, everything was great! Sounds and smells and sights swirled together in her mind as the edges of her memory grew fuzzy and her skin felt tingly. Jess smiled at the strange man and whispered a “thank you”.

“Now, how about you come with me?” He trailed a hand down her arm and Jess nodded, leaving all of the chaos behind.

* * *

 

Mike awoke in the alley next to the club early the next morning, his fingers were numb and going slightly blue at the tips. The events from last night were nothing but a bloodrush of anger to try and forget that Josh was dead and that he had stared death in the face one too many times. But at the same time, that rush was exhilarating, rejuvenating almost, and Mike decided that he needed to feel that again. Well, when he could feel his fingers again.

With a few deep breaths Mike hoisted himself off of the ground and meandered down the street, back to his apartment, hoping that somewhere in the midst of the chaos Jess had made it home alright.

* * *

 

The sound of her phone buzzing snapped Sam out of another nightmare. Drowsily she grabbed the phone and slid it unlocked.

“Hello?” She yawned.

“Sam? Sam! L-look I me-messed up we...I...oh god…” It was Mike, sounding very distressed.

“Slow down Mike, what happened?” Sam’s pulse quickened, it was too soon for more shit to be going down.

  
“I…” There was a deep breath, “Jess is missing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS CHAPTER HURT?  
> too much.
> 
> Thank you all for all you love and support!  
> Don't forget to comment and share!


	5. From Home With Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 Weeks after the incident at Blackwood Pines

“Dear Josh,

I heard that you made it off the mountain, that you’re alive, I wish that I could say the same for everyone else here at home. Mike called me the other day and told me that Jess went missing, then I got another call from Chris that Ashley is in the hospital. She tried to kill herself. I know it’s really late, but we’re all extremely sorry for what happened that night...with Hannah and Beth.

I’ve been doing all I can to keep my head up, but to be honest I haven’t left the house in a week, I haven’t slept right, hell I think the last time I ate was...Thursday? Maybe Friday? I’ve been in such a slump. We miss you.

Sam”

“You have some good friends.” The psychologist commented after reading the letter aloud to his patient.

Josh’s eyebrows furrowed upwards and his eyes watered, even after all he’d done, after all that had happened, someone still wanted to talk to him. It made his heart ache and Josh slightly scratched at his chest as if it was going to make the pain go away. His mouth still ached, but this time from corrective dental surgery, and new sutures were placed to keep him from injuring the fresh work.

“Now, I’m going to read a few more things, and when I’m done I want you to answer one question.”

Josh nodded slowly, his hands tensed on the arms of his chair.

“This is from an article I pulled, ‘Teenagers Claim to be Chased by Monsters’. From a police report, ‘...all victims claimed to have seen a madman up on the mountain’. And finally a report from a ranger in Blackwood Pines, ‘...the thing’s face seemed to be monstrously distorted and twisted…’. I want to know what you think Joshua, do you think there was a monster?”

Guilt spread throughout Josh’s body as he trembled in his seat. Oh he didn’t mean to hurt them, it was...oh it was so wrong of him to do that! No one was supposed to be hurt! It was just a prank, a harmless prank!

But then again, that’s what the others  claimed with Hannah as well. They said it was harmless too...then Beth died and Hannah turned into that...that...monster.

_“You’re a monster Josh, how could you?”_ Hannah begged in the back of his thoughts.

“Joshua?” The psychologist persisted, “I asked you a question.”

Josh stared at the doctor and exhaled heavily through his nose before nodding and hesitantly pointing at himself.

_“I am the monster.”_ His brain screamed.

The psychologist’s eyes widened a fraction and he wrote down the result, “I see, interesting.”

The doctor handed Josh a small notepad and a pen, “Why do you think that?”

Josh stared at the paper, tears welling in his eyes as the voices of his sisters howled around him.

_“Monster! Why didn’t you stop them Josh? Now you’re the monster!”_

His hands shook violently and tears slowly rolled from his dark eyes, the sounds of his friends all screaming accusations at him floating around his thoughts. Josh dropped the pen and paper and buried his aching face in his hand as he sobbed.

_“I’m sorry, I’m so so so sorry, I did this. No one was supposed to get hurt.”_

The psychologist made a soft click with his tongue, “Alright, we’ll let this conversation go and talk about something tomorrow.”

 

* * *

 

In the two weeks she had been home, Sam hadn’t left her house, much less her room. Her whole body felt numb, and no matter what her grandparents said, nothing would convince her to leave. She thought that after the incident she would feel some sort of grief, or insanity, but no, she felt nothing. Sam sat up in her bed and stared at the wall in front of her, some part of her hoping that maybe if she stared long enough at nothing her brain would twitch some kind of reaction.

Her vision grew slightly hazy and small shadowy whorls swirled into sight, but Sam kept staring. The minutes ticked away slowly and Sam still felt nothing.

“Samantha?” Her grandmother lightly rapped the door, “It’s almost noon, I was wondering if you wanted some lunch.”

“Not hungry…” Sam mumbled.

“Again? Samantha you need to eat something.” The older woman slowly walked in with a bowl of soup.

“I’m not hungry.” Sam said a little sharper.

“Are you still upset about what happened?”

Sam slowly nodded, her memories recalling the final events on the mountains. Blood, fire, screaming.

“Oh Sammy…I think you need to see someone, this is just like what happened with the...accident.”

There was a twinge in Sam’s chest, memories that she wished were long forgotten crashing against her skull.

 

* * *

 

And suddenly she was nine again, spending the night at Grammy and Poppy’s because Mommy and Daddy were out for a ‘special night’.

“Sammy, get away from the window, the storm’s really bad.” Poppy warned from across the living room.

“But, but…” She stammered, staring at the rain pounding on the window pane.

“Sammy, come over here, watch some Jeopardy with Poppy.”

Sam made a loud groan but obliged and crawled up onto her grandfather’s lap.

Soon it was time for bed and as sleep began to wrap itself around her mind Sam asked, “Where’s Mommy and Daddy?”

“They’ll be back in the morning, okay Sammy?” Grammy hummed and kissed the girl on the forehead.

But they didn’t come back, they never would, because late in the night when the storm was at its worst, the car spun out on a turn and crashed. So the next morning when little Samantha awoke, the first thing she heard was Grammy in the next room over sobbing.

“My little girl...oh Melissa…” she hiccuped and everything inside of Sam drained, no tears fell and she became completely empty.

 

* * *

 

As the day rolled by, Sam was able to finally crawl out of bed and spend the next half hour in the shower where she hoped that the hot water would snap her out of the apathy. But as the minutes ticked by the only thing that changed was instead of being apathetic, she was apathetic and wet. The hot water only seemed to make her feel worse before it shifted to cold.

Great.

Sam turned off the shower, dried off, changed into a new set of pajamas, and crawled back into bed.

Maybe tomorrow would be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are wondering why I have Sam's parents dead, there's a line where she says "Josh said I was the only one who understood".  
> So dead parents it was.  
> I feel like a terrible person doing this to all these precious babies, buuuuut for the sake of interesting story telling...  
> And everyone will get better, I promise!
> 
> Now the chapters should be getting longer. Since the time span in the story will be spreading.
> 
> Share this story with all your friends!  
> Don't forget to comment! Even a simple 'hi' makes my day!  
> And thank you all for reading~


	6. The Dearly Departed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 Month after the events at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to break up the sadness, here's a happy-ish chapter!

Josh sat in the hospital bed, staring at the tray of food in front of him. It had been what felt like forever since he had eaten anything solid. Well, partially solid, the doctors had moved Josh from an all liquid diet (which was embarrassing to have a nurse carefully stick a straw through the side of his mouth that wasn’t sewn shut) to a soft diet of mashed potatoes, pudding, and broccoli.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” the Nutritionist asked before leaving the room.

“I…yeah…” Josh’s voice was hoarse from not speaking for almost a month. He picked up the plastic spoon and scooped a small helping of potatoes to his mouth, and it tasted like heaven. A hell of a lot better than the ungodly mixtures of vitamins and minerals that were only meant to keep him fairly healthy.

“Alright, enjoy yourself.” the Nutritionist smiled and left.

Josh spent the next few moments in silence, stuffing his face with potatoes, grateful that his mind had gone silent for now. Perhaps it was the new medication, or the daily sessions with his new psychologist Dr. Stormare, it was still up for debate but the only thing that mattered was the peaceful almost-silence.

Birds chirped outside of his window, the warming March air made the curtains flutter softly in the breeze, and Beth sat in the chair in the corner of the room.

Wait, what?

Josh stared at his sister, his eyes wide in shock. She no longer looked like the zombie-esque figure he had hallucinated before, but rather calm and still in her winter gear.

“You’re not real, you’re not real, you’re not real…” He muttered over and over again.

Beth’s face shifted to a happier expression and she opened her mouth to speak.

“ _Are you feeling better Josh?_ ” Her voice was barely above a whisper, “ _Eat up, you need to get better._ ”

And with a strange gust of wind, she was gone. Josh just stared at the corner a few moments longer before turning back to his food and starting on the pudding.

“ _Mmm, chocolate._ ”

 

* * *

 

The day had slowly stumbled into the afternoon, and Beth’s ‘visit’ still stuck in Josh’s mind. During all of his other hallucinations she had been a monstrous creature of rage and loathing, but that time she had seemed happier, more at peace. His medication was supposed to keep him from seeing things, so perhaps she wasn’t a hallucination, but then again he had only been on the treatment for a month so maybe it had just lessened the images to be more benevolent. Josh wasn’t sure, but he knew he needed to bring it up to his doctor.

Speaking of which, it was just around the time one of the nurses collected him from his room to take him to his appointment.

“Joshua?” A soft feminine voice called. The door to his room clicked open and a nurse walked in with a smile.

“Oh hiya um...Caroline right?” Josh mustered a smile, which slightly ached as it tugged at the healing stitches across his cheek.

“Yep, are you ready for your  appointment?”

Josh nodded and followed Caroline out into the hall.

“So good news, with your recovery going so well we’ll be moving you out of solitary in the coming weeks.” The young nurse said chipperly as she lead Josh through the hospital wing and to Dr. Stormare’s office. She knocked on the office door and waited for a response.

“Yes? Come in.” Dr. Stormare replied and Josh slowly walked in.

“Ah, afternoon Joshua. You look rather well today, take a seat.” The doctor motioned to the chair by his desk, “And how are you today?”

“Better. I think.” Josh sighed as he sat down.

“You think?”

“I...This morning when I went to eat. I saw Beth. She was sitting in the corner.”

Dr. Stormare leaned forward, listening intensely.

“But she wasn’t dead-looking like before. She looked happy and she told me that I needed to get better. It was...strange, all the other times I’ve seen her she was angry and violent and usually calls me...things.” Josh continued and twiddled his thumbs.

“I see. Well, keep an eye on it. If she appears again, take note, don’t try to react. We’ll go from there. But other than that, how have you been? I received word that you were moved to a semi-solid diet.” The psychologist leaned back in his chair, looking a little more relaxed.

Josh’s expression lightened and he nodded, “The pudding was the best part, I had almost forgotten what chocolate tastes like.”

The rest of the afternoon passed with a light-hearted conversation about nothing in particular, skipping around from topics like the weather and seasons changing, to Josh’s past hobbies, even Josh’s plans for the future, and Josh loved it. For once in what felt like forever he was being treated not like a monster or a psychopath, but rather a human being.

 

* * *

 

As the afternoon crept into evening and the halls of the hospital slowly hushed into a dull murmur, a slight sadness fell over the young Washington boy. He pulled a chair by the window and stared out past the courtyard and at the lights of the city. His friends were out there, and according to Sam’s letter from about a month ago, they were all having their own problems too. Josh sighed deeply and slouched in his chair, still staring out the window. A part of him wanted to try and escape, to run to the city and find all of his friends. He wanted to help them, they didn’t deserve the pain they felt.

“ _Don’t do it Josh. You need to get better._ ” Beth whispered over his shoulder and he jolted with a start.

Josh looked over his shoulder and saw the concerned face of his sister, she had placed her hands on his shoulders and for a wild moment he swore he could feel her. He opened his mouth to speak, but remembered the doctor’s warning, so he remained silent and instead observed.

She was just as he remembered. Bright eyes and a smiling face that was taken away far too soon. Pain twinged in his heart, as the self-blame resettled in his core. He should have stopped them, he shouldn’t have drank so much. He should have done something, anything.

But he didn’t, and now everyone was paying for what he didn’t do.

Warmth radiated around his shoulders and chest, as if someone was holding him from behind. It was comforting and for a moment all the pain had washed away.

“ _You can’t keep dwelling on the past Josh. You have to focus on right now._ ”

“Like getting better?” Josh mumbled.

“Joshua? Are you talking to someone?” A nurse asked, he hadn’t heard her come in.

The warm feeling vanished and Josh sighed.

“I….I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and your support!  
> It makes me so happy that this story is well-recieved!
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment and share this with your other Until Dawn loving friends.


	7. Heroin Days and Cocaine Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 Month after the events at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not happy at all.  
> Sorry guys, we'll be going back into sad times.  
> Also, sorry for the late update. Life was busy and my mental state was just not there.

The afternoon sun filtered through the dusty blinds and onto Jess’ face. She rolled over on the filthy mattress (she had long since stopped asking what strange fluids had been spilled on it) and onto the even filthier floor. She shakily pushed herself up and stared at her surroundings. A few other girls (‘princesses’, her Master called them ‘princesses’) were still passed out and in various stages of disarray. Jess made an attempt to get out of the room without waking anyone, but soon found that impossible as her feet tangled up in the arms of another girl and she fell to the floor with a loud thud. And suddenly the room was filled with shrill curses and kicking feet. Jess braced herself as a heel struck her under the ribs, knocking all the wind out of her.

After the small excursion, Jess slowly crawled out of the room and into the one-person bathroom that she shared with ten other girls. She pulled herself up with the help of the sink and took a moment to stare at herself in the mirror. Her once smooth blonde hair was now a stringy and greasy mess that hung limply over her shoulders, her face had hollowed out considerably as dark circles shadowed under her empty eyes, and bruises littered her neck from being collared and choked countless times.

Was it all worth it? Jess wasn’t sure. There were moments when she felt like the world was staring at her, judging her every move, and in those moments she would begin to crumble. But then  he was always there to pick her back up, the man who ‘saved’ her that night at the club, who gave her a taste of pure bliss. He was a drug and she was hopelessly addicted to the point where the world felt empty and blank until she had her head down on the table inhaling lines through a rolled dollar bill. But it didn’t stop there, some days he had her switch it up.

“So life stays interesting.” He would say as he gently stroked her hair and kissed her neck before drawing out a needle. And before she realized it, she was poking at her veins as she pushed liquid death into her body. 

Jess snapped back from the memory and the twitching need for a fix began to consume her. She reached in the cabinet only to find it was empty. Her Master must have known that she was getting hungrier by the day, and that only meant that she had to face him herself. She quickly washed off her face, knowing that he would be more receptive if she looked decent. With trembling fingers she combed out the knots in her hair and put on her best smile before heading to the “penthouse”.

The steps creaked under her feet as she slowly climbed to the top floor where a soft purple light glowed from under the door at the top of the staircase. As she drew closer and closer she could hear the climaxing moan of one of the princesses and Jess cringed. Once she reached the top her hand hovered over the doorknob and she mentally debated whether or not she really wanted to do this.

But the hunger inside her grew, she needed to feel alive, to feel something other than embers under her skin. So with a burst of addiction fueled confidence, Jess cracked open the door  and did her best to sneak in.

Everything was tinted with a purple glow and the scent of blood, sweat, and incense filled the air. Various harnesses, collars, and cuffs hung from a wall where leather wrapped toys rested underneath them. Jess gritted her teeth and continued further in, knowing that she had only a few more moments before her Master would have finished up and be asking her what she was doing. She quickened her pace over to the private bathroom, almost certain that her fix would be in  there.

“Looking for something?” The sickeningly sweet  voice of her Master cooed from the plush bed.

“I...I…” Jess stammered.

“Princess, it’s  not your time.” His face grew dark as he growled. Jess could only stare at his furious expression.

“Are you being greedy? A greedy little whore?” Her Master rose from the bed and paced over to where she stood.

“I’m sorry.” Jess whined.

“No you aren’t, not yet at least.” A strong hand grasped around her neck and plucked her off the ground. Jess gasped and sputtered as she began running out of air. The man opened the door to the staircase and tossed her down. 

Several times she collided with the hard stairs until she landed hard on the floor and lay there in utter pain.

“Get out, I don’t allow greedy whores into my kingdom.”

Tears began to spill over Jess’ cheeks, the agony of addiction and nearly broken bones filling her with pressure. How could she let that happen to herself?

 

* * *

Jess was grateful that March in Los Angeles was warm, otherwise she was certain she would be a goner. Sure the nights were still chilly, but it was better than sleeping out in the snow. It had been three days since that awful man had kicked her out on the street and Jess had decided that maybe it was a sign to try and pick herself up. But where would she go? She didn’t want anyone to see her in her current state, no she couldn’t let them think it was their fault for her failure. If she could scrounge together a few dollars she could at least get something off the dollar menu (how long had it actually been since she had eaten something?) and work from there. 

The sun was beginning to set and Jess knew it was time for the hardest part of her day, finding somewhere safe to rest for the night. She had been lucky that the past two days there were a few abandoned buildings that she could tuck into to keep herself out of the elements (and the night time street fights between thugs), but now she was beginning to reach higher populations where the trade-off was that it was easier to scavenge but easier to get caught.

But to be honest, a part of Jess wanted to be turned over to the police. She knew that someone had to be looking for her, but she also knew that the police would rather jail a washed up teenager for trespassing or theft than ask who she was. 

As she meandered down the sidewalk, doing her best to ignore the crowd around her and their obvious stares, something caught her attention. A small fire was lit in a back alley where several people were gathered around, the familiar scent of smoke caught her attention and drew her to the fire. The twitching in her brain urging her on.

“Heya…” She flashed a weak smile, “Mind if I get in on this?”

The group of strangers were silent for a moment before passing Jess a pipe. 

She inhaled deeply, the aching in her brain dulling as she filled her need, a lazy grin spread across her face and the growling of her stomach subsided. Everything inside her felt fuzzy and soft, like nothing was wrong. The world slowed down and Jess took another deep drag and exhaled a cloud of smoke into the air. Her brain felt like it was floating. Who needed to go home when paradise was right here?

Jess nudged the person next to her and held out the pipe with a giggle, “You guys are all right. Mind if I stay with you all?”

There was a collective mutter of “sure” from the group.

 

* * *

As the hours rolled on and the moon rose in the sky, her new friends declared that it was time to head back “home” for the night. Jess followed closely as the group led her to an underpass where several mattresses and sleeping bags were sprawled out and a small fire was being tended to.

“The others should be back soon, we all take turns out on the street trying to get what we can.” One man said as he emptied his pockets, a few dollars fluttered to the ground.

“We try to share what we earn, but if you find something like a shirt or whatever, that we can’t sell, you can keep it.” Another informed as they pulled a balled up pair of socks from their jacket.

“How many of you are there?” Jess asked and sat herself by the fire.

“About seven of us, well eight, no nine including you. We just met a new girl the other day, she was runnin’ from home.”

Another girl, the thought was comforting that Jess might have someone to relate to. 

Minutes passed in silence and Jess stared long into the fire, her high beginning to edge itself off, leaving trails of lingering sadness in her mind. Memories of her friends laughing with her, going to see movies, going on dates with Mike that always ended with the two of them tangled in the sheets. She missed everyone, but she knew that if they saw her now they’d be so disappointed.

Jess let out a deep sigh and buried her face in her hands. A few stray tears fell from her eyes and a burning regret flared in her heart. Oh if only she had gone home, maybe she could have just explained everything to her parents, maybe then she could have stopped herself from becoming a wreck. But no, she ran away from it all and fell into a world where her addiction dictated her every move, where her only solace was to taste death and laugh in its face as her brain floated on the smoke she inhaled.

Oh if they could just see her now.

“Jess? Oh my god is that you?” A familiar voice asked and placed its hand on her shoulder. Jess turned around and her eyes widened, she couldn’t believe it.

“E-Emily?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully next chapter will be up soon.  
> Ugh, I have this whole thing plotted out and it's like I just wanna go on a spoiler rant about whats going to  
> happen because I know all this heartbreak isn't fun. But hnnghghg I cannot.
> 
> I promise though everyone will be okay by the end of this story.
> 
> Don't forget to comment and share!


	8. Get Out Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 Month after the incident at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hits a little close to home for me.  
> Also its 2000 words. WOohoo

Matt’s hospitality only lasted as long as he had promised, one week, and now Emily had been gone for about a month. But between school and upcoming deadlines for college applications, Matt didn’t have much time to think about what had happened during that week. So for the one Sunday night that he had actually finished his homework and was sitting at his computer waiting for a recommendation letter from his coach, Matt had time to reflect on the week Emily had stayed with him.

He had noticed scars on Emily’s arms, and it didn’t take much to figure out that they were self-inflicted, but Matt figured it was something best left alone until Emily brought it up herself . However the thoughts of his girlfriend inflicting such an injury to herself haunted his mind. And for a wild moment he even thought about trying it himself just to try and understand what Emily was going through, but when he brought the blade of an exacto knife he had scrounged up to his wrist, he couldn’t do it. His mind reeled and he had to put the blade down. He gritted his teeth and his head pounded with the sudden spike of stress.

Matt headed into the bathroom to grab an aspirin and that’s when he realized, the aspirin was gone. The whole bottle. Matt knew there was at least half a bottle left and that his father hadn’t thrown it out. So that only left the conclusion that Emily stole it. And that’s when the panic set in fully. Sure he was worried about his girlfriend’s self harm, but he knew Emily enough that she would set herself out and would never do it to kill herself, however with drugs he had paid enough attention in health class to know that overdosing accidentally was easier than anyone realized.

When the panic had subsided into pure exhaustion, Matt collapsed on his comforter and released a long sigh. He would need to find Emily and get her some help. He didn’t care if he had to do it all by himself, if he had to drag Emily to the nearest hospital and say “My girlfriend is broken, fix her”.

_ Broken _ _._ The word weighed him down like a ton of bricks because Emily wasn’t the only one who was a mess. The entire past month had been a whirlwind of stress for Matt, almost everyday his peers would sidestep him as if he was a ticking time bomb ready to explode, and to be honest some days Matt felt just like that. The weight of the world was falling on his shoulders and soon it would crush him. 

The sound of someone knocking on his window broke Matt from his spiraling thoughts.

“Em?” He looked over to the fire escape then crawled out of bed.

“It’s raining...Can I stay here?” Emily whimpered as Matt opened the window.

He stepped back and noticed how disheveled his girlfriend looked, her scars were  now easily visible through the translucence of her wet white shirt and Matt gulped.

“Em...Why do you do this?” He lightly held up her arm, “Why? I can’t bear to see you hurting like this?”

Emily sneered and withdrew her arm, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Emily, everyone at school is worried, your parents have stopped by here twice looking for you. You can’t just...run away from everything.”

“Matt you saw what happened up on the mountain! How can you expect to act like everything's normal after that?”

“I know it’s not...normal. But at least I’m  trying .”

Emily’s face twisted and she inhaled sharply, “And I’m not?”

Matt winced at her words, his brain scrambling to come up with something to say.

“I thought you of all people would understand. I guess not.”

And just like that, Emily was back out the window,climbing down the fire escape. Words and phrases swirled in Matt’s head, screaming at him as his chest ached with a stabbing pain. Matt fell to his knees and grabbed his head as the noise in his brain only grew louder and his breaths grew shorter and shorter until he was hyperventilating on the floor as  hot stinging tears fell from his eyes. He could very well have just sent Emily to her death, visions of her swallowing a whole bottle just to drown out his insensitivity. She had come to him for shelter, for stability, and he let her down. His mind had all but shattered in the swirling anxiety. 

As Matt slowly came down from the peak of his attack, he crawled into bed and passed out.

 

* * *

By the time Matt had awoke the next day, it was already noon. It was too late to even think about going into school now so Matt just opted to try and at least take care of himself. He stumbled down the townhouse stairs and into the kitchen where his father was sitting.

“Oh I thought you had work today dad…” Matt mumbled, a little shocked that his father was still home.

“I took off. What happened last night, I heard you talking to someone.”

Matt was silent and looked away, painful tension building behind his face,

“Did something happen with Emily?”

The tension snapped and Matt broke. He told his father everything, the incident on the mountain, how Josh was most likely dead, and how all of his friends were fucked up. Sobbed when he said that Emily was going to destroy herself through drug addiction and self harm and that he didn’t want to see any of that happen to his girlfriend because even if she could be rather irritable and a bit of a perfectionist, he loved her with all his heart. His father listened to all of it and gently patted his son on the shoulder. 

Matt told his father how ever since everything went down he couldn’t focus and everything felt like it was crashing around him, how almost every week he had some sort of meltdown. How he felt so weak because “I’m supposed to be this big and fearless man, I’m supposed to be the star of the football team and I can’t even get through a week without crying like a fucking child.”

“Matthew...no one asked you to hold the world up.” His father soothed and stood from his chair, “If you are having such trouble, tell me. Tell someone, don’t think you have to get through this on your own.”

“But…”

“But nothing, you probably don’t remember this since you were so young, but when your mother and I divorced, I was a mess. I thought ‘I can’t do this’. But then I saw someone about it, and I think you need to see someone too.”

“But...I…”

“It will help, a professional will show you how to properly handle things so it doesn’t ruin you. Take care of yourself first, then help Emily. But don’t forget, you can’t fix people.”

Some of the weight in Matt’s chest lifted as his father continued to reassure him that everything would be alright.

 

* * *

The rain poured down, drenching Emily to the bone as she wandered farther and farther away from the places she called home. Of course Matt wouldn’t understand, he didn’t have a family that neglected his wants, that forced him to be the best. He wasn’t there when the cabin exploded, he didn’t have a fucking gun pointed at his face. Emily tucked herself into a nearby alley to get out of the rain for a moment and sunk to the ground. 

She never asked for this, she never wanted to be this way. She knew that at least half of her friends actually hated her and she was never going to see them again. Emily hugged herself and sobbed, out of everyone Matt had shown her kindness long after she had proved that she didn’t deserve it. He opened his home to her when he easily could have turned her away, and when she was arguing with him she could see the glimmering of tears in his eyes. He was genuinely concerned for her and she treated him like absolute shit. Emily reached into her pocket and pulled out her blade and brought it to her wrist.

One for being a bitch, two for being a wreck, and three for being a coward. The blood bubbled up and soon washed away when she stuck her arm out in the rain. The water stinging the fresh cuts. She then fished around her bag for her bottle and popped a few pills down her throat so that everything felt numb again.

“Hey” A soft masculine voice called, “You lost?”

Emily shrugged and felt the weight of a jacket being placed on her shoulders.

“I know a lot of lost people. Runaways.” The stranger knelt next to her.

Emily just shrugged again.

“You can come with me to meet them. I hate seeing people so lost and sad.” The stranger flashed a smile and patted Emily on the shoulder. Emily sighed and looked at her wrist which was still faintly bleeding. It never lasted that long and Emily began to feel woozy and sick as a part of her brain went into panic that she might just bleed out, and before she knew it the world around went dark.

The rain had stopped when Emily woke up. Her right wrist was carefully wrapped and the sound of a crackling fire almost reminded her of what happened a month ago.

“I hope you don’t mind that I took you in.” The same young man said nervously and Emily looked over at him.

“Where am I?” She groaned.

“The underpass. We’ve got a little hideout going on here. Everyone works together to stay alive. We go out on shifts to see what we can scrounge. If you’re feeling better we’ll get you out there tonight since James-y is feelin’ sick.”

Emily’s brain swirled for a moment before she passed back out.

 

* * *

Three days later Emily was out on a slightly populated corner, her hair in mats and dark circles under her eyes.

“People take more pity on girls.” Her new friend (Mark he said his name was) had told her.

She looked pitifully into the crowd and held out a small plastic cup where every so often someone would toss in a quarter or two. Emily sat there for three hours until the sun began setting and Mark collected her to go back to the underpass. For once she was with people who didn’t judge her and who understood. The aching of loneliness in her chest slowly began to drift away. 

The soft flickering of the campfire under the abandoned underpass came into view and Emily could only wonder what else had been earned today. 

And then she saw the familiar mess of blonde hair that she once hated. But her feelings of resentment had long since passed after everything had fallen apart and Emily was just happy that someone else was still alive. She took a few deep breaths to prepare, then approached the girl by the fire.

“Jess?” She  asked.

The girl turned around, blue eyes flickering  a sadness.

“Emily?” Jessica gasped out a sob and rose to her feet. The two girls stared at each other before embracing in a long hug. They didn’t care that the other looked like absolute shit, they were just happy that they were both alive.

“What happened to you?” Emily asked and wiped away her tears. She led Jess back to her own corner of the Underpass community where she had found several blankets and a few pillows to call home.

Jess sat down and rolled up her sleeves, revealing various track marks from needles and dark bruises. The blonde let out a few hiccuping sobs before sharing her horror story of what happened after Blackwood Pines, how she got tricked into being taken, and how she was now hopelessly addicted to death itself. How her brain itched for another fix, how her skin tingled and crawled for her to press another needle into her veins.

Emily just stared in disbelief before showing her share of scars and her story.

And then they both made a promise.

They would both make it out of this alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading.  
> And I want to remind all of you that if you are going through hard times, talk to someone.  
> If things become too much, don't forget that you can always find help. 
> 
> You are all amazing and awesome and I love you all.


	9. He Had to Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 Month after the incident at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, a Chris-centric chapter!  
> Thanks to everyone who's supported this story so far!

Ashley felt terrible, both physically and emotionally. During one of her sleepless nights where the crumbling depression and weight of all her faults kept her awake she had decided to take a short walk around the block to clear her thoughts, and while when she got home she was tired enough to fall asleep the next morning she awoke with the worst sore throat and stuffy nose ever. Her head ached and burned with a fever and her skin felt ice cold. Ashley groaned and pulled the covers over her head. She felt the soft weight of one of her cats crawl over her legs then sit on her covered face.

“Hello Poe. Thank you for your comfort and concern.” Ashley groaned sarcastically and Poe meowed and purred in reply.

She sighed and pushed the cat off her face and poked her head from out of the covers. Poe meowed again and rubbed himself against her cheek.

“It’s just a cold, Chris is going to throw a fit when he gets over here.”

After her first attempt a month ago, life for Ashley changed. The days were spent in a whirlwind of doctor consultations, blood tests, and medications. But Ashley knew better, no amount of pills or empty words would ever fix what she had done, and things were only getting worse. Chris had started visiting her every day and ignored his own life. He had quit his job and took the semester off college in the goal to “take care” of her. However he was just suffocating her instead, making a fuss over every little thing, forcing her to take the medicine that only made everything inside her feel worse. And now that she was actually physically ill, she expected that it would only be worse.

The sound of the front door unlocking made her jump and Poe made a beeline for the front of the house. She heard the soft laugh of her boyfriend and the choir of meows from her other cats, the noise making her want to curl up and vanish.

“Ashley? Are you up?” Chris slowly paced towards her room. Ashley tucked herself under the covers and shut her eyes, doing her best to act like she was sleeping.

“Ash?” The door to her room creaked as it was opened further, and Ashley’s small herd of cats all pounced onto her bed, but she kept up her act.

Chris walked over to the bed and sighed, “It’s noon, why aren’t you awake?”

Ashley felt Chris pull the covers back and place his fingers to her throat, obviously checking her pulse. He then pressed the back of his palm to her forehead and sighed again.

“Ash…”

She shivered from the settling chill in the air and looked over her shoulder.

“Don’t freak out, I just caught a cold.” She mumbled and pulled the covers back up.

“Should I take you to a doctor?” Chris sat on the edge of her bed.

Ashley shook her head, that was the last thing she wanted was to see another doctor to tell her that something else was wrong with her.

“Do you want soup? Anything? Just say the word Ash.”

“Go home. I want you to go home.” The words sounded harsher than she intended, but at this point Ashley didn’t care.

“What?” Chris looked offended and his lip quivered.

“Go. Home. Chris I love you but have you looked at yourself lately?” She motioned to him. As of late Chris had been ignoring his own personal health, his hair was greasy, and he looked as if he hadn’t showered in at least three days. It pained Ashley to see him like this, and she knew it was her fault, if she hadn’t been so fucked up then Chris wouldn’t be in such a state.

“Ash I’m fine.”

Ashley laughed at that, “fine”? He was about as “fine” as she was, the only problem was he was actively ignoring his own situation.

“Chris you are not fine, you’re a mess. You can’t keep ignoring what happened with Josh.” She snapped.

“Nothing happened with Josh.” Chris said not missing a beat.

“Then why haven’t you seen him?”

“He’s busy. School stuff probs.”

Ashley’s hands shook and her eyes watered, how could he just ignore the fact that his best friend in the whole world was probably dead.

“Chris,” Her voice dropped, “You were there on the mountain, you were chased by Wendigos, you watched people die. You can’t act like it never happened. It pains me to see you like this, you can’t keep ignoring it.”

And then something strange happened, in a quiet moment Chris mumbled out “then how are you supposed to get better if i’m fucked up too?” His face was blank and his eyes were distant.

“Chris, go home. Take care of yourself. If you want to help me, help yourself.”

As if in a trance, Chris rose to his feet and stumbled out of the house. Ashley’s heart ached, but she knew that it had to be done.

 

* * *

 

His mind was nothing but a fog as he roamed the streets of Los Angeles, thoughts, words, phrases, voices, and memories faded in and out of his consciousness. Chris couldn’t keep his focus on anything at the moment, his brain was doing its best to sort out the mess he had unconsciously gotten himself into. Images of a dim room where a lever stood in front of him. He did everything in his power to force away the image, but it seemed to be burned there like a brand.

“ _You have to choose Chris._ ” The Psycho said and Chris’ hands hovered over the lever.

But what was he choosing? As the thought slowly subsided it never truly went away. It hung in the back of his mind, haunting him as he continued walking aimlessly. Half of the time Chris wasn’t even aware of where he was wandering until his consciousness would snap back into lucidity and a slight panic would wash over the young man.

He had managed to wander into the city where nothing was quiet or subtle. The noise of the city only added to the cacophony in his head as he slowly slipped into his regressive state.

The lever was in front of him again and his hands now gripped the handle firmly.

“ _What will you choose Chris?_ ” The Psycho asked, his voice sounding faintly familiar.

Time seemed to stop as sweat rolled down Chris’ forehead, he had to choose. Even if he didn’t know what his options were, he still had to choose. His hands tightened and he looked forward into the darkness where he could feel something was coming for him even if he couldn’t see it. He had to choose soon. Chris gulped dryly and gritted his teeth, a soft buzzing echoed in his ears.

“ _CHRIS! CHRIS PLEASE!_ ” Ashley’s voice cried.

“ _Bro...BRO DON’T DO IT! C’mon bro…_ ” Josh pleaded.

Chris trembled as the pressure in his head built, he had to choose. The buzzing grew louder, he had to choose. Everything inside his ached, but he still had to choose.

“ _I can’t do it…_ ” Chris whimpered as  he stepped back from the lever. Images of Ashley and Josh appeared in front of him and something in his mind told him that he had been here before. Perhaps he had already chosen without realizing it.

“ _Chris...Please._ ” Ashley sobbed.

“ _Bro...C’mon man._ ” Josh mumbled.

No, he already had chosen. The lever in front of him slowly shifted towards Ashley and she smiled.

“ _I knew you could do it._ ” She whispered before vanishing. Josh’s image however began twisting unnaturally, his hands became claws, his eyes glossed over, and his teeth grew into sharp fangs. Chris just stared in fear as his friend transformed into a monster.

There was a moment where everything was silent, even the buzzing had stopped. Then in the blink of an eye, Josh lunged at Chris sending him sprawling back and Chris felt his back hit the hard pavement.

“Jesus Hell kid, you almost got killed.” An older man hissed at him. Chris slowly lifted his head from the pavement and stared at the crowd staring back. Directly in front of him was a taxi cab that had skidded to a stop.

He realized that he couldn’t keep on living like this, ignoring his problems, because it might just get him killed.

 

* * *

 

When Chris had finally reached his house he was met by his dog tackling him to the ground and licking slobbery kisses all over his face.

“C-c’mon Cupcake...O-off girl.” Chris shoved the stocky pitbull off his chest and sighed, his head ached not just from hitting the pavement, but from the tidal wave of repressed memories that had been tucked  away until now. He could hear the sounds of Wendigos shrieking and Emily crying as Mike held the gun up to her head. Images of the Stranger dying in front of him and the cabin exploding in a brilliant flash of light. Chris stumbled over  to the living room couch and collapsed on it. The weight of everything hitting him at once. A few tears rolled from his eyes and he angrily wiped them away, how could he just try to forget everything that happened?

Cupcake whined and slowly licked his face.

“Thanks.” Chris mumbled as the dog clambered up onto the couch and  nuzzled next to him. He felt awful, no wonder Ashley had been so...volatile. He knew she had an overactive mind (it was why she was such a great writer) but he also knew that with such a mind also lead to heavy emotional swings, and while he knew she was good at managing her moods in a healthy manner it was no wonder she was so out of it recently. Chris liked to think he  was rather stable, and even now he was crumbling. It was a miracle that Ashley tolerated him for as long as she did.

Chris reached into his pocket and fished out his phone. He scrolled to Ashley’s number and called her.

“Please pick up…” He mumbled as the phone rang.

“Chris? I told you I was sick, it’s just a--”

“I’m sorry Ash, I didn’t realize how hard I was making everything for you. I guess a part of me thought that if I ignored it long enough it would be okay...but it only made it all worse. Oh god Ash I’m so sorry.” Chris blubbered.

“It’s...It’s fine Chris.”

“But it’s not. And I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry all of this happened.” Ashley sighed.

“It’s not your fault, but I am too.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Hey Ash?” Chris mumbled.

“Yeah?”

“Is it cool if I come over tomorrow? We can watch a movie, maybe Back to the Future?”

“Sure...but please take care of yourself first. Okay?”

Chris scoffed out a soft laugh, “I’ll be sure to take two showers, I’ll even wash behind my ears.”

Ashley laughed loudly before it turned into a dry cough, “M’kay Chris. See you tomorrow.”

“Okay. I-I love y-you Ash.” Chris stammered out, he was fairly certain he would never get the hang of that.

“I love you too Chris.” Ashley hummed over the line before hanging up. Chris dropped his phone on the ground and sighed contently. Besides almost getting hit by a car, today wasn’t all that bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to have Chris get hit by a car. I really was.  
> But I couldn't do it. 
> 
> I love all the characters, and I want to protect them...
> 
> Anywho! Thank you all again, you all rock, and please take care of yourselves~  
> See ya later sweet potaters


	10. Walking Pressure Cookers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 month after the incident at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update, school is...school.

Sam sat out in the courtyard of her university, staring at the book in her lap. She was supposed to be studying, but her mind constantly drifted off to other things. Even if she was seeing a therapist to try and break out of the never ending apathy, it wasn’t working well enough. Sure there were some days where she could feel her lips tug up into a smile when someone told a joke or occasionally she would notice a tear or two make its way down her face when she thought about Josh, but other than that Sam still felt empty. She pulled her jacket over her shoulders as a chilly breeze floated past her and fluttered the pages of her textbook a few chapters forward. Sam closed the book and tucked it away in her bag before laying back on the grass and looking up at the sky. 

Clouds floated lazily above, swirling into shapes, occasionally blocking out the sun. Sam sighed, it was a beautiful day and yet she couldn’t bring herself to enjoy any part of it, in fact she couldn’t enjoy anything anymore. Her once exciting Natural Studies major was now nothing short of a chore. She rolled over onto her side and groaned, she was beginning to question her choices. Maybe this wasn’t the right thing for her. Maybe school wasn’t right for her. Her brain twitched with ideas of just getting up and leaving, packing everything she could into a bag and hitchhiking cross country. She could do it, she was smart and resourceful enough.

“Sam?” Mike asked as he walked up to her.

“Oh hey. I thought you had class now?” Sam looked up at her friend.

Mike just shrugged and sat down, “Eh, wasn’t feeling it. Debate class was starting to get boring.”

Sam feigned a gasp, “Boring? Mike you always loved arguing the pants off everyone.”

Mike shrugged again, “Eh not today. But whatever. You look like you have some crazy scheme brewing in your head.”

He was right of course, Sam ducked her head a little and rubbed the back of her neck. She knew that her friend would instantly disapprove of her thinking about leaving school. Maybe she could just get around not saying anything at all.

“Sam...What are you planning?” Mike’s voice dropped an octave and his gaze hardened.

“What if...I’m not cut out for school? What if this is a waste of time?” Sam huffed.

“Oh, I...I feel ya there.”

Sam’s eyes widened a fraction, “You do?”

“Yeah, with everything that’s happened...I just...I feel like I’m making a mistake. I mean, for fuck’s sake I let Jess go missing! She’s gone and it’s all my fault.” Mike slammed his fist into the ground. Sam let out a long sigh and pushed herself up to her feet and ran a hand through her hair.

“Then how about we get going? Maybe school just isn’t right for us.” She held out a hand for Mike to take.

“Yeah.” Mike accepted the help and pulled himself up.

 

* * *

There was a strange feeling in the air as Mike strode beside Sam, he could feel eyes everywhere, watching and judging him. They all knew what he had done. They all knew he was neglecting all reason, all responsibility, that made up his entire being. Mike lowered his gaze to the ground and let out a long sigh, he didn’t know how much more he could take.

Ever since the night he lost Jessica in the midst of a brawl, there had been an itching in the back of his mind. A crawling remnant of the mixing emotions of anger and devastation he had felt. For days after the incident he had gone back to the club, hoping that maybe he would spot Jess again and things would be okay. But that never happened, and something in his gut told him to move on with his life because Jess was gone forever. However Mike was stubborn, so the festering thoughts of regret boiled and brewed over in his mind until everything began becoming too much.

It had started with the shouting in class, especially during Debate seminars. Mike was notorious for keeping a cool facade during mock debates, it was his greatest strength, but soon he faltered somewhere along the line. And that made him angry, he could barely keep his cool, and several times he had to excuse himself from class. Then it slipped into outright aggression, during one particularly heated debate Mike had ended up throwing his books off the table, nearly hitting a classmate. During today’s mock debate he ended up grabbing his opponent and had his hand cocked back, ready to strike. It was then that Mike knew he was losing his mind over everything, and he concluded that maybe he needed to get out, change things up.

“Mike?” Sam’s concerned voice caught the young man off guard. Mike made a soft grunt in response.

“Is something wrong? You’ve been really quiet and breathing...kinda heavy.” Sam reached a tentative hand out and placed it on Mike’s shoulder. The feeling of just the slight amount of weight only added to the weight in his mind and Mike shrugged off her hand with another grunt.

“Don’t touch me.” He snarled and hunched in on himself.

“I...Alright Mike. Do we need to leave?” Sam sounded genuinely concerned, but the swirling, pent-up rage in Mike’s mind processed it as a taunt. As if Sam was talking down to him as if he were a child.

Then everything snapped, in a blur of red Mike felt his knuckles make contact with skin as the growling phrase, “SHUT UP!” echoed through the mall. The sound of radio chatter and quick footfalls sent Mike into a moment of flight as he sprinted his way out the nearest exit and down the street, ignoring everything as the world passed by in a blur of streaks and sounds until his legs finally gave out and he collapsed on the front porch of his apartment. Mike was certain that the police wouldn’t have followed him this far, but as he locked himself away within his small apartment, he still felt like he was being hunted.

 

* * *

It had taken a few moments for Sam to fully comprehend what had happened, one second Mike had shrugged off her hand and growled, the next she was sprawled out on the cold tile floor with streams of blood flowing out her nose and mouth, then she was lying propped up on a stretcher as an EMT shined a light in her eye. The EMT asked her what she remembered and Sam just replied with an “I...I don’t know”.

For the next few hours Sam sat in the security office at the mall as one of the officers contacted her grandparents while the other did her best to try and get some kind of coherent answer out of Sam.

But Sam knew better, if she told the officer the truth, that her best friend struck her in a moment of (most likely traumatic induced) anger, then they would be on their way to lock Mike up for whoever knew how long. So Sam played the role of the victim in shock, her answers danced around the questions, and she did her best impression of a rather baffled child.

“I...I don’t know what happened officer...they just...next I knew I was bleeding.” Sam whined and held her cheek where a dark bruise had formed.

“Ma’am, please, if you can tell us anything…” The officer’s voice sounded on the verge of pleading.

“Don’t you...have like...cameras?” Sam nodded her head a little, making soft whining noises as if everything really hurt. When in reality, there was no pain, her apathy had taken away all feeling of agony.

“We checked, but the man’s face was obscured…”

“I just wanna go home…” Sam sniffled and mustered up a few tears.

The officer sighed and rubbed her face, “Fine…”

The ride home with her grandfather was practically silent, the only sound was the soft crackle of the radio playing some country song. Sam leaned her head against the window and sighed, how did things get this bad? She was fully aware that life wouldn’t go completely back to normal after what had happened a month prior, but she never would have expected for her life to make a complete 180. She could feel something bubbling up in the recesses of her mind that was soon lost in the rush of numbness that overtook her.

“Samantha...What...What happened today? Grammy and I were shocked to get a call from the police.” her grandfather asked.

“Mike...He...I think he had an episode or something. He lashed out and...hit me.” Sam sighed.

“The same Mike who’d been your best friend?”

“He’s still my friend. He just needs help...you remember that it’s been a little over a month since…” her voice trailed.

“Since Josh.” 

“Yeah...Since that mess…”

“Have you been...holding up?” her grandfather’s tone struck a chord in her thoughts.

“No...Even with the doctor’s help I just...I feel empty.” the small, rusty pick up truck pulled into her grandparents’ driveway and Sam hopped out of the cab. 

“I think I’m going to lay down for a little.” Sam said loud enough for her grandfather to hear as she headed inside.

“Alright, I think dinner will be ready in an hour alright?”

Sam just nodded as she closed the door behind her and headed upstairs to her room. She sat down on her bed and pulled out her notebook. She scratched a few stray words on the paper as her thoughts tried to reorganize. Images of Mike locked up in some prison cell haunted her, his hands in cuffs as he thrashed around and screamed in pure rage. Visions of all her friends ending up locked away or dead floated into her consciousness. Just the idea of her friends suffering began to eat away at the apathy inside, and Sam wasn’t sure if she wanted to feel the plummet into depression. 

She needed to tell someone, anyone, that the receding numbness was beginning to scare her. So after a few mindless taps of her pen, Sam wrote out; “Dear Josh” before curling up and sobbing out all the pain and agony that had been building since the day the cabin exploded.


	11. Better than Good Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 Months after Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay. This chapter was fighting me something fierce.  
> But with everything aside, enjoy.  
> (Oh and you might want some tissues)

Josh was running, he didn’t know where or what from, but he had to run. The darkness slowly began engulfing his feet and slowed him down, cries echoed around him, and in the distance a small light flickered. He had to reach the light, something about it felt safe and warm as it drew him closer. Josh struggled to run faster, the darkness pulling harder as the crying only grew louder, but the light seemed farther away now.

“PLEASE! DON’T DO THIS!” A voice wailed. The darkness around him slowly molded into familiar shapes, into the faces of his friends.

“YOU’RE A REAL SICK FUCK, YOU KNOW THAT?!” Chris’ disembodied head screamed before exploding in a fountain of blood.

“OH GOD. NO. NO. LET GO!” Sam reached out from the wall before a claw pulled her back into the swirling darkness.

“SOMEONE’S COMING. OH FUCK. SHIT. NO!” Emily shrieked as her figure leaped out in front of him before being torn in half.

A low throaty chuckle resounded from behind Josh, it crackled and popped like it was coming through a radio.

“Hello Joshua.” The voice laughed, “Care to play a game?”

“No...NO. Leave me alone!” A large hand reached out through the darkness and grabbed Josh by the face. The hand squeezed tightly, and right before Josh could feel his face crush, he awoke.

His chest heaved as he took long, deep breaths to try and regain his composure. It wasn’t the first time he had this nightmare, and he doubted it would be the last, but as of late the dream had been occurring more often than he could deal with.

Just another thing to talk to Dr. Stormare about. The list of problems seemed to be getting longer rather than getting resolved. The haunting figure of Beth still lingered every so often, especially on days where Josh could feel his mind relapsing, the sounds of his friends screaming haunted every dream, and Josh swore his room mate was only two steps away from calling security on him since his night terrors had gotten so violent.

Josh looked over at the bed next to his and sighed, his room mate was still peacefully asleep thankfully. He honestly felt bad for the other guy, not even a week into finally being allowed human interaction without nurses and doctors breathing down his neck and he was already kicking himself with a sudden plague of night terrors. Josh looked out the window where the sun had barely risen, casting a shadow over the horizon of the city.

“It’s only gotten worse hasn’t it…” Josh grumbled as he glanced over at the letter from Sam on the table. The letter itself was about a week and a half old, Josh blamed the hospital’s sorting staff for that delay, but the message was clear: everyone was in some sort of hell. He could feel tears well up when he read about Emily and Jess missing and Matt’s break down, a broken sob escaped when Sam mentioned the spat between Chris and Ashley, but he felt his world crumble when Sam wrote “...today Mike had an episode and punched me...it hurt so much that I think he punched the numb away, and I don’t like that .”

Oh Sam, she deserved better, they all did. Josh looked back out the window, watching the sun rise slowly over the skyline as the lingering grasp from his nightmare held firmly into his mind.

Josh sat watching the sun rise for an hour before the hospital slowly and sleepily crawled to life. His room mate Rick groaned agitatedly before blinking his eyes open.

“Been up long?” Rick yawned and rubbed his eyes.

Josh shrugged, “Eh not really.” he lied.

Shortly after Rick left for his group therapy a nurse came in to collect Josh for his morning appointment.

 

* * *

 

“It’s been the same dream for the past week now.” Josh sighed as he paced around Dr. Stormare’s office.

“Where you’re running in the dark?” The Psychologist inferred.

“I just...I hear them screaming, they all beg for mercy from some kind of monster before it kills them. And I just watch. Last night though, the monster grabbed me, crushed my head.”

Dr. Stormare nodded solemnly and hummed in thought, which was a bad sign to Josh. He knew that whenever the doctors fell silent and refused to look him in the eye meant that something terrible happened. Josh balled his hands into fists and stopped pacing, he looked at his doctor and waited for the horrible answer. But the psychologist remained silent, his pen scratching down notes, which was even worse. He was probably writing an order to move Josh back to solitary.

“Doc...What’s goin’ on?” Josh slowly paced towards the desk but stopped abruptly when he was the figure of Hannah appear in front of him. Her face was mangled and blood spilled over her lips onto the floor. Josh’s pulse quickened and he gulped before slowly backing up. Hannah just stared at him, blood still flowing onto the floor.

“You aren’t real…” He whimpered and continued backwards. Footsteps echoed around him, drawing closer and closer as his vision hazed. The face of the Psycho, that damned mask, hovered into his view. Laughter erupted from the mask, a dark and gravely laughter much like from his dreams. A hand materialized from the haze and reached for him. With all his strength, Josh struck back, landing a punch right in the mask’s nose. Words chattered around him as the walls slowly melted into the wintry forest where the corpses of his sisters hung from a pair of trees.

“JOSH WHY?! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO THEM?!” Beth wailed as her body slowly detached from her head and landed in the snow with a thud. A static sounding chatter filled Josh’s ears as he frantically looked around for a way out. Faces slowly appeared from behind the trees, distorted and mangled. Their jaws gnashed with broken teeth and their eyes glinted silver in the moonlight.

_Wendigos._

Josh held out his hands and stood his ground, “You aren’t real” but the creatures only drew closer, a soft murmur floating around amongst the static. They ducked and weaved around one another, approaching with caution.

Suddenly the wispy form of Beth materialized from a gust of wind, her face was streaked with tears as she reached out to cup her brother’s face.

“Joshua...Please. Just hold still.” There was a sharp pain in his arm, and when Josh looked, a Wendigo had bitten him.

“It’ll be over soon, okay? Okay Josh?” Beth’s voice cracked, as if she was on the verge of tears. Dark spots flooded Josh’s vision before his entire world went black.

 

* * *

 

Josh awoke to the sound of an argument right outside his door, one between the head nurse and an oddly familiar female voice that caused his pulse to quicken.

“No, he’s too unstable. That’s final.” The head nurse said sternly.

“Look, I got a call to visit my friend in the hospital by this Dr. Stormare guy.” The other voice retorted.

“I don’t see any signs of clearance on you, and Mr. Washington is in a critical state.”

“Excuse me ladies,” Dr. Stormare interrupted, “Sorry for the delay I had a slight hold up--”

The conversation softened to where Josh couldn’t quite hear the rest. He sat up in his bed and looked around, back in solitary confinement. A deep sigh heaved his chest and Josh looked at his arm where a needle had been. He didn’t know what triggered the relapse, or why it had been so severe, but it was all said and done now and the sinking feeling that things were going to be this way forever was finally settling in.

A knock brought Josh back from his thoughts.

“Joshua, I have a visitor for you. Do you feel well enough to see them?” Dr. Stormare asked.

“Oh! I uh, give me a minute!” He didn’t actually think that they would allow him a visitor in such a state, but Josh pushed the thought aside and scrambled around the room for a change of clothes.

And after nearly tripping into a pair of pants, Josh said, “Okay! I’m decent!”

The door slowly opened and Dr. Stormare walked in, Josh’s eyes widened as he watched Sam walk in soon after. Her hair was in a loose bun and a few of her bangs fell in her face, her eyes were glossy with forming tears, and a very subtle smile formed on her lips. Josh felt his eyes begin to water and he took a few steps forward. If this was a new hallucination then he hoped it ended soon before he hurt someone.

“S-Sam? Oh my god is that you?” Josh took another step forward.

“Yeah Josh...I…” Sam fell silent, her eyes darting around as if looking for the right answer, but instead she nearly leaped forward and pulled him in for a tight embrace. Her body began to shake as she sobbed into his shoulder, gripping tightly at the fabric of his shirt as if he was going to vanish. Josh remained absolutely still in utter shock until he too wrapped his arms around his friend and felt his own tears spill over.

The next few minutes were filled with the sounds of soft crying and the phrase “I’m sorry” whispered over and over again. The two held on to each other, making mental notes of how it all felt because no one knew what would happen next.

Sam was the first to pull away, she looked up at Josh with the same sad smile and wiped her eyes, “Sorry about…”she motioned to the tear stains running down his shirt. Josh just shrugged and placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed softly, but Sam still winced. Blood stains appeared under his hand and Sam began crying out in agony as her face slowly split down the middle, revealing the Psycho’s mask. The blood was everywhere now, dripping from every corner of the room, flowing from the window, pooling under the doors, and Josh released his friend. He gripped at his head, pain throbbing in the front of his skull.

“This isn’t real. This isn’t real.” He whimpered.

“It’s as real as you want it to be.” The angry voice of the Psycho laughed.

“I was getting better. I was almost fine.”

“But you’re never going to be good enough.” The Psycho kicked him hard in the ribs and Josh screamed as the Psycho’s foot dug a hole in his stomach. His world spun and Josh fought his hardest to remain conscious. The instinct to survive  kicked in and Josh gritted his teeth as bile filled his mouth and the pain grew more intense.

“No…” He gagged, “I’m going to be better than good enough”

The Psycho made a noise between a gag and a hiss before his mask fell off and Josh was now staring at the monstrosity of himself. The distorted face slowly melted away as the room turned dark, swallowing everything. For a few minutes Josh stood in absolute silence until the flickering of a light appeared far away, at the end of a hall.

It was the same dream all over again, but this time everything felt numb and Josh merely marched his way down the dark hall. Everything remained silent, no screams from the darkness, or  images of his friends being torn apart, just darkness. He kept his gaze forward as the candlelight grew closer and brighter. A warmth grew in his chest as he drew closer and reached a hand out to the light.

“I knew you could do it Josh.” Beth smiled, her ghostly image illuminated by the soft light.

“I have to, I gotta get better so I can see everyone again.” Josh watched as his  sister took the candle and handed it to him.

“And I’ll be there, every step of the way.”

The darkness faded away and Josh felt his form being warped and twisted in a way that was somehow not painful.

 

* * *

 

He awoke, for real this time, to the feeling of his wrists and ankles bound by thick straps. Josh looked around as his eyes adjusted to the bright light of the room. There was a soft murmur around him as the constraints were loosened. He could make out the shapes of several nurses and a few  doctors hovering around.

“We’re sorry we had to do this Josh.” One nurse mumbled as she helped the young man to a sitting position.

“What...happened?” Josh looked at the nurse, her face was lined with worry.

“You had a relapse episode during your last session, and you...punched Dr. Stormare pretty hard.”

Josh gasped, “I-Is he okay?”

“I’m fine Josh” Dr. Stormare commented, his voice was a bit nasally and the skin around his nose was bruised pretty badly, “How are you?”

“Better, I think. I had an extremely lucid dream and  Sam was there, and Beth, and another me was there and...Beth said she’d help me get better.”

Dr. Stormare nodded, “I see, you’ll have to tell me about it at tomorrow’s session. I bet you’re exhausted after being under so much mental stress for two days.”

“I was out two days?!” Josh pushed himself off the bed and the psychologist nodded again.

“Jesus shit.” Josh huffed, his body felt heavy and even after all that sleep all he wanted was to crawl into bed. One of the nurses gently took his hand and skillfully withdrew the IV from his arm while another soon after slowly escorted him out into the hall and back into the solitary confinement ward. Josh knew he would be back here, but it didn’t bother him because in the back of his mind he knew it wouldn’t be long.

The nurse next to him hummed a soft tune to break the silence, it was a comforting sound and Josh could feel the soft tendrils of sleep wrapping around his brain to the point where he didn’t realize he was in his room until he heard the door softly click behind him.

Josh shuffled out of his old clothes, quickly showered, and slipped into a fresh pair of sweatpants before laying down in bed. He cocooned himself in the blanket and felt his heavy eyelids flutter shut.

_“Good night Josh, sweet dreams.”_

_“Good night Beth.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone says anything. I know, I am an evil person who does evil things.  
> But I do hope that you are all enjoying this story.  
> And remember to take care of yourselves!


	12. Incoherent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 Months after the Incident at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii everyone, sorry about the very slow updates.  
> Semester is ending soon, I have some freelance work to start  
> And I feel a cold coming on.  
> yay.

It had started with the diary, Ashley's therapist advised that she write down her emotions and keep track of how she feels with the new treatment, and every week she would bring the notebook to her therapist and listen to them talk her through the patterns of her emotions. Even if it wasn’t much, it made Ashley feel better that her depression was losing its spontaneity and was becoming something that for once she might have a bit of a handle on. While the experience was something entirely different than the mood swings she was used to, it had lessened into something she could understand.

Every so often she would hand the diary over to Chris and he would sit there for an hour reading and re-reading her entries, his eyes would occasionally dart back up to her face and he would tighten his lips as if holding something back. Ashley knew it was his way of processing new information and that he was trying his hardest to comprehend the slew of emotions she would experience. A part of her wished that he did understand, but at least he was putting forth the effort.

After journaling her emotions down for about a month, an idea sprung up in Ashley’s hyperactive mind, an idea that she just had to tell Chris.

 

* * *

 

“ARE YOU NUTS?!” Chris exclaimed and nearly swerved off  the road in his fit of exasperation.

“So...I’m guessing that’s a ‘no’.” Ashley ducked her head.

“I mean...Why would you want to write...that.”

“Because I feel like it would help me...maybe even help all of us.” She huffed and stared out the passenger seat window.

“You really think so?” Chris asked as he pulled up next to his girlfriend’s car parked in his driveway.

“What better way to move on than to document it, get all sides of the story?”

“I don’t think we can.”

A heavy awkward silence hung over the couple that was only broken by the sounds of their car doors shutting. Ashley leaned her back against her car and sighed, her mind chattering with phrases and retorts. She knew that what happened had fucked them all over to hell and back, but damn if she wasn’t going to try to find some way to help everyone.

“Look Ash,” Chris gently took Ashley’s hand and rubbed his thumb over her palm in a soothing gesture, “I know you want to do this for everyone, I understand, but I’m afraid that if you tried...you…” his sentence hung in the air for a moment, “might do more harm to yourself.”

Ashley thought long and hard about her boyfriend’s concerns, they were very justified, but something in her gut told her that she just had to write this story, that things weren’t going to get better unless she tried.

“Fine...I won’t get anyone else involved right now, but I at least want to start--”

“--no Ash, you’re not starting anything.” Chris cut in, his voice rather harsh. Ashley winced as Chris squeezed her hand defensively.

“Fine,” Ashley pulled her hand away, another awkward silence arose until she spoke again, “I’ll see you later, good night, thanks for the date, love you.” She unlocked her door and scooted into the driver’s seat. Chris waved to her as she backed out of the driveway and sped off towards home.

 

* * *

 

“Well that could have gone at least fifty times better.” Chris groaned to himself as he wandered into his house and closed the door quietly behind him to make sure he didn’t disturb anyone. Cupcake let out a soft woof from her spot on the living room couch before laying her head back down and falling asleep.

“See you’re taking your guard dog duties seriously.” The young man snickered as he passed the pitbull and headed downstairs to his room.

He kicked off his shoes and flopped on his bed, his mind reeling with thoughts. Was he too harsh with Ashley? No, no he was just concerned. It’d only been two months since...well...everything took a nosedive into Hell and Chris lost his best friend in the world.

Oh Josh. Chris swiped through some photos of him and Josh on his phone, he should have seen the signs, he should have done something. He knew something was off when after what happened with Hannah and Beth, Josh had grown more reclusive, busying himself elsewhere. Chris should have been more assertive, should have tried harder to understand what was happening to his friend. Sure he knew that Josh was being treated for depression, but he didn’t think that Josh would fall apart so fast, or turn into something so...monstrous. He thought about what Josh had done to him on the mountain, how he had been tortured and taunted, how not even their lifelong friendship was enough to keep Josh together. Chris grumbled to himself, rolled off his bed, and stumbled back upstairs.

Chris knew his parents had a small stash of alcohol for when they threw parties, a stash that he was never to go into, but Chris declared that the onslaught of emotions he was feeling deserved him a drink or two.

Or three...five...seven shots were just enough to blank out the wave of sadness that had crashed over Chris’ head.

 

* * *

 

Ashley had lied when she said she wouldn’t write, as soon as she got home she dashed to her room and began scratching down her ideas for her newest book. Oh it was going to be her best one yet, one that actually made it to print instead of the hands of her creative literature teacher which ultimately ended with little notes of “submit this to the school paper”. Like Hell she would, this wasn’t middle school, and no one read the paper there either!

After about two (or three) hours of scrawling ideas down in her notebook, Ashley began typing down her own accounts of what happened up on Blackwood. A few times throughout the night her phone alarm went off to remind her to take her medicine, however Ashley would always ignore the alarm, telling herself she’d get to it after this next sentence.

She typed and typed, her mind reeling her memories back numbly until she began going into detail about the prank. Suddenly everything felt a little too real, a little too soon. The guilt, the laughter, who thought it was a good idea to make fun of Hannah?! Oh right, her, Jess, and Emily. She thought about what must have happened to Josh after all of that, how crushed he must have been to realize that his sisters had died.

No, had been murdered by his best friends. Ashley felt tears well up, it was no wonder that Josh went off the deep end! It was no surprise that he wanted some kind of revenge for his sisters.

Her brain hissed and chittered, whispering that she should have died up there, that she should have told Josh to kill her when he had the chance! Her thoughts reminded her that it was all her fault, the swirling depression took a firm hold of her mind and rooted deep within. Ashley’s alarm went off one last time and she noticed that it was about 6:30 am, and that she still hadn’t taken her medicine. She knew she was going to need to talk to her therapist about this one.

As she rose from her chair, her legs faltered a little from sitting down for so long, but she managed to stumble her way into the bathroom and take her dosage before starting up the shower. However about a few seconds in she decided that maybe a long bath would do her better. Ashley filled the tub with near steaming water and quickly stripped herself before sinking down into the tub. The warm water lulled her into a drowsy sense of calm and security as she slowly drifted asleep.

 

* * *

 

“ _CHRIS! CHRIS PLEASE!_ ” A strangely familiar voice cried out through Chris’ dream, startling him awake. His head ached and spun and he wondered how the hell he made it back to his room.

“ _CHRIS HELP!_ ” The voice wailed, drawing closer. A sinking sensation hit his stomach and Chris all but fell out of bed. A streak of light caught his attention as it shot up the stairs, something in the back of Chris’ mind told him to follow it. He scrambled his way up the stairs, ignoring his parent’s questions of “What are you doing?” and beelined it to the door.

The downpour of rain almost instantly brought Chris back to reality, even if his stomach was still churning and his head was aching. Something did not seem right.

“ _CHRIS! SHE’S IN TROUBLE!_ ” He must have been hearing things, because the voice vaguely reminded him of Beth’s. Suddenly a sharp whistle nearly deafened Chris and he covered his ears. Cupcake barked from inside the house before barreling through the screen door and down the sidewalk.

“CUPCAKE NO!” Chris screamed at darted after his dog, whom was significantly faster than him. The rain stung his skin and the wind lashed at his face, however Chris kept up his sprint as if life itself depended on it. He chased the pitbull block after block until she rounded the corner into a cul-de-sac. Cupcake howled unlike something Chris had ever heard before, it was almost like she was screaming, but the chase continued until Cupcake all but crashed into Ashley’s front door.

“Bad dog!” Chris scolded, “Why did you--”

A cat yowled from inside Ashley’s house, followed by several other screams. Weight dropped into Chris’ stomach, the situation feeling rather familiar.

Oh no. He fished around his pockets for his key to Ashley’s, only to realize it was still at home. Chris threw his weight at the door, causing it to rattle, then he tried again, but the door didn’t budge. He could feel his adrenaline rising as the seconds ticked by, his hands shook and sweat rolled down his face.

This shit looked so much easier in the movies! Chris took a few breaths, then remembered the numerous cop shows his dad used to watch. A kick or two just below the knob should do the trick. With another breath Chris slammed his foot under the door knob, sending it swinging open. Ashley's cats swarmed his feet before darting to the bathroom. Chris took a step forward and lurched. Fuck, his ankle was sprained, but he kept on until he reached the bathroom door. It was slightly cracked and cats were running in and out, still yowling. He fully opened the door to see Ashley submerged in the tub.

Panic kicked in and Chris’ protective instinct took full charge. He pulled his girlfriend out of the tub and onto the floor. Her lips were turning blue and her skill was cooler than normal, she had stopped breathing.

Chris thought that he would never have to use the first aid training he had learned to be a lifeguard, and he thought he would never have to use in on the girl he loved. But there he was giving rigorous chest compressions for what felt like forever.

What if he was too late? What if she was already gone? Oh God he couldn’t bear to think of what he would do if she was gone! How could he live with him--

Ashley gasped and sputtered, water spraying from her lips, but she remained unconscious. Chris continued to panic, he patted his pockets for his cell phone but only realized that he left that back home too. He hesitated for a moment then noticed Ashley’s phone just an arm's length away. He snatched up the phone and dialed 911.

“911, what’s your emergency?” The operator asked calmly.

“My girlfriend drowned in the tub...I got her breathing again but she’s still unconscious.” Chris did his best to not sound frantic.

“Alright sir, can you tell me the address?”

Chris complied, the operator offered to stay on the phone while the ambulance was en route.

The minutes ticking by felt like an eternity and a second at once. Chris hobbled his way to the door where two EMTs were unloading their vehicle.

“She’s down the hall to the left, first door.” Chris said, holding onto the doorframe for support. He watched as the stretcher rolled past him, a lump forming in his throat.

“What happened?” Another EMT asked Chris.

“I...I didn’t see what happened, I had a bad feeling that something was happening, so I ran here as fast as I could...kinda broke down the door...and found my girlfriend unconscious in the tub…”

“Does she have any history of depression?”

Chris hesitated, “Yeah, she...attempted last about two months ago…”

The EMT clicked her tongue, “I see, have you gotten in contact with her parents?”

“Not yet, I was performing CPR as soon as I pulled her out of the tub.” The answers were becoming more automatic.

Chris watched as his girlfriend was taken back to the ambulance, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.

“Can I come too? I am her boyfriend, and my ankle is kinda-sorta busted.” Chris pointed to the injury which was now swelling.

In all his years, Chris never thought he would be riding next to his girlfriend in the back of an ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I googled while writing this:  
> 1\. How much vodka gets you drunk  
> 2\. How long does it take someone to drown  
> 3\. Best way to kick in a door 
> 
> Yo if anyone wants to chat, message me on tumblr  
> Kait-a-tater-tot.tumblr.com
> 
> I love you all for your support, dont forget to comment and share!
> 
> now i need to sleep


	13. Living the Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 Months after the Accident on Mt. Washington

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super long delay, the past two weeks have been hectic because of school.  
> BUT I AM DONE MY FINALS AND LIFE IS GOOD.
> 
> So enjoy.

Mike no longer lived day by day. He awoke when the sun fell and the lights in the city made him feel like he was on top of the world, and at this point he was. Mike had found the best way to work out his problems. After his minor breakdown a month prior, he had wandered the streets all night until the sounds of a fight caught his attention. His adrenaline spiked and his hands shook in anticipation, oh how he wanted to feel the thrill again. Instinct took over and he dove in, laughing as his fists connected with the flesh of others, but all too soon the fight ended and Mike tumbled out onto the street with a few bruises and a bloody nose. He smiled to himself and laughed again, oh how alive he felt!  After that, he spent night after night scanning the streets for more brawls, however it wasn’t easy. 

A few nights later while Mike was out on the town, he heard a woman scream. His blood rushed and he sprinted to the source. A woman about his age was wiping away tears while trying to fix her bloodied face.

“Fuckin’ client.” She hissed and wiped away the blood from her nose.

“Are you alright?” Mike asked.

“Yeah, fuckin’ ass thought he could skimp me on pay and when I asked for the other fifty he went and slugged me one, prolly on his way back to the Palace to complain. Fuckin’ great.” The woman growled and re-applied her makeup.

“Want me to do him in?” The familiar wave of adrenaline flowed through Mike’s veins.

“Sure, he was a nasty lookin’ brute. Mohawk, dyed black, dumb lookin’ tattoos all over. He stomped off around the corner.” 

Mike cracked his knuckles, “Alright.”

 

* * *

Luckily finding the guy was no difficult task, he stuck out like a sore thumb against the crowds of people and the flickering neon lights. Mike walked up behind his target and shoved him into a nearby alley.

“What the fuck man?” The target sneered. He really was an ugly sight, something not even his mother could love.

“You get sick kicks from hittin’ girls?” Mike growled as his fist connected with the other guy’s chin. 

“What you think you some kinda Superman? She was a whore who didn’t deserve her pay!” The target yelled back and threw Mike against the wall. 

The aching sensation in his bones only fueled Mike’s blood lust, oh this was going to be fun. His heart pumped faster as he charged his opponent again, throwing punch after punch into his stomach. A few hits landed on the guy’s jaw and blood soon poured out of his mouth. Mike didn’t hold back however as more blood spilled onto his hands, he cackled and snorted as his final right hook sent the target sprawling to the ground. Mike stared at the man for a second, watching his chest rise and fall slowly. Good, he was still breathing.

“Holy shit. You’re some kind of beast.” A soft female voice murmured. Mike looked over to see the woman from before.

“He was an ass, deserved it.” Mike snorted. The woman gave a slow nod and rubbed the back of her neck.

“You look like a wreck though.”

“Gee thanks.” Mike gave a side glance and squinted.

“I meant, you should clean yourself up. Here I’ll escort you to the Palace, it’s only a block or so away.”

“I bet you’re really good at that.” Mike slightly grinned as the woman led him down the sidewalk.

“Ha ha, I get it, unintentional pun ‘cause I’m an escort.” She softly huffed.

The two of them walked in silence, the only sound was the liveliness of the city around them. Mike had been to the city plenty of times, but this time felt like a dream almost. The lights seemed brighter and the pumping baselines from the surrounding clubs resonated with his pulse. His feet felt light as he walked and the overall energy around him was buzzing with excitement. The woman next to him must have sensed his excitement because she grabbed his hand and patted his arm.

“Calm it down there hero-boy, can’t have you floating off.” She chuckled.

 

* * *

The Palace itself was a grand structure, intricate carvings marked the walls outside as they flowed towards the door, beautiful amber and yellow lights bathed the whole area as if it was sculpted of gold, and gorgeous girls waltzed in and out of the building. Mike felt his jaw dropping as he stared in awe at the beautiful place, it was so high class looking that he felt like he couldn’t even afford to breathe the air around him. The escort led him through the doors where the interior was even more ornate. Burgundy and gold wallpaper lined the entire ground floor, one stage had several poles where women in almost next to nothing were swinging and performing near gravity defying tricks, and on the other side guests gathered around the bar with their “dates”.

“This is some place you got here.” Mike scratched the back of his neck, a small part of him feeling uncomfortable.

“It definitely pays the bills.” The escort smiled as she continued to lead him towards the back. She guided him past a pair of curtains to the backstage of the Palace where other women were applying makeup and getting dressed. 

Several girls shot pointed glares while others ignored the two.

Finally the escort sat Mike down in a small well-lit room next to a table.

“Sorry for the walk.” The escort said as she dug through a cabinet and pulled out some bandages and rubbing alcohol. 

“ ‘s not a problem,” Mike waved her off only to wince when he felt a stinging burning sensation on his temple, “I don’t remember being hit in the head, must’ve been too into the fight.”

“Narissa!” A strong voice called from outside the room before the door swung open to reveal a large man.

“Ah! Sorry boss, I had to patch up this young man.” Narissa quickly answered as she applied a bandage to Mike’s forehead.

“My last client decided to skimp me and this young man served him justice.” She continued.

The boss looked over at Mike, dark brown eyes scanned him over before squinting, “I see.”

Mike gulped, he felt as if this man could kill him on the spot if he really wanted to.

“Tell me boy, how old are you?”

“Nineteen sir.” Mike shifted uncomfortably.

“Are you working anywhere right now?”

Mike shook his head. The other man smiled.

“How would you like a job? Real easy, make sure that guests know what happens if they damage our girls.”

Fire ignited under Mike’s skin as his pulse slowly rose, a job where he was allowed to beat people up? And get paid?

“Count me in sir.” Mike said almost a little too enthusiastically.

“Alright, be here tomorrow night. Six pm. Narissa, take the rest of the night off and escort this boy home.”

“Certainly sir.” Narissa cooed and pulled Mike from his chair. She kept her hand entwined with his as they walked down the sidewalk back to Mike’s apartment.

He truly felt alive that night, as he spent his remaining hours inhaling the scent of his temporary lover, twisting between the sheets of his bed, and reveling in the beautiful sounds of his name being cried into the night. Mike didn’t care if it wasn’t going to last, he didn’t want it to, all that mattered was the here and now.

 

* * *

Over the next few weeks on the job Mike got to know several other girls who became nameless faces in the night, and several unruly guests who became dried up blood stains on his shirt. He was living the dream now, where the work was easy and the pay was more than fantastic. Almost everyone on the entire block knew his face, and knew what he was capable. This was better than any politician fame Mike could have ever dreamed of! Every night was more than pleasurable as he got to watch the girls practice and perform. Most nights he was stationed outside of the Palace, and could get away with roughing up a few guests.

However tonight was different, tonight the entire Palace had been rented out for a bachelor party and Mike had been ordered to take stage duty where most of the entertaining was going to happen. Stage duty was strict, he had to keep on his own best behaviour and keep an eye on anyone that might start trouble. The music started and the group of young men began hooting and hollering as the girls took their positions, by now Mike had seen this routine several times over to where he was no longer distracted and instead scanned the crowd of almost drooling ment for anyone who got too close.

But as the night rolled on Mike was equally grateful and disappointed that he didn’t have to teach anyone a lesson. As the girls finished their routines and sauntered off the stage to head into the back room, several men from the party attempted to follow.

“I’m going to have to ask you to step back,” Mike ordered, stepping in front, “employees only.”

The men groaned collectively, and Mike briefly coughed at the stench of various alcohols, before turning away. Mike moved over towards the bar, knowing that several girls were still over there putting on their own little show. He softly yawned and took a seat, it was moments like this where he could reflect on everything. 

Maybe he was right to leave college, sure he hadn’t really kept in contact with anyone since the lodge, but a part of him was okay with it. Life was so much easier to deal with if he didn’t have to think about his past consequences. If he didn’t have to think about Hannah, Josh, or...Jess.

The thought of losing Jess still haunted him sometimes, how he slipped up once and she was gone. On some days he would think about what he did to Hannah, he never expected it to go so far, and how Jess may have met the same fate months ago.

No, it was best not to think like that. It was better to focus on life now. Like the drunk men at the bar and one of the escorts screaming in sheer terror.

Hold on.

“DON’T TOUCH ME YOU SICK CREEP!”

Mike lept from his seat and quickly saw one of the guests trying to assault an escort.

“Hey! Hands off!” Mike ordered and grabbed the assailant. 

“Hey fuck off! She’s asking for it!” The man sneered and grabbed the escort by the wrist, “She should be thankful! With that ugly mug she should be glad I’m with her!”

And that was where Mike drew the line, he landed a quick blow to the rude man’s wrist and broke the vice grip on the escort. The girl quickly dashed away while Mike soon found himself facing five other men. This was beginning to feel like Blackwood, staring death in the face, and all the odds stacked against him. Adrenaline pumped through his veins causing his hands to tremble in anticipation. His heart raced and beads of sweat already began rolling down his face.

“I’m gonna kill you!” The man screamed.

An all out brawl erupted and Mike did everything in his power to redirect punches and take the least damage, however he was used to fighting one on one and this battle was quickly slipping out of his favor. Several times he was punched in the face, at least two ribs were bruised, and thrown into the bar. Mike wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold up until he blacked out. Even with his adrenaline pumping it just wasn’t enough to keep him going.

Luckily he caught a break when the Palace’s owner came charging in and nearly plowed two men over. The brawl quickly halted to a stop and the boss bellowed a loud “GET THE FUCK OUT.” Sending the entire bachelor party scrambling.

“Ow...shit, sorry boss.” Mike groaned as he picked himself off the ground.

“What in the hell happened?”

“Bastard tried to rape Josie, had to step in. His fuckin’ pals decided to step in.” Mike rubbed his jaw, it was obviously dislocated as it ached while he talked.

“I see, well next time that happens, buzz me. Don’t try to get yourself killed saving someone.”

“Yeah, okay.”

The two men looked at the carnage from the battle, a deep sigh rolled from the both of them.

“What do we do about this?” Mike asked.

“It’ll be here tomorrow morning. We close up early, you head home, get some sleep, and come in tomorrow at nine a.m. Then we’ll deal with it, I ain’t got it in me to deal with this right now.”

Mike just nodded and stumbled his way out of the Palace. He hailed a cab and rode home. Once inside his apartment Mike had a hell of a time trying to relocate his jaw. Every breath now ached and the sooner he got this thing fixed the better. So after a quick trip to the internet and a dosage of pain medication, he got to work. Mike tightly wrapped his thumbs in gauze so that if he accidentally bit down he wouldn’t break them then stuck his thumbs in his mouth. He began pressing on his back molars, the pain now raising into sheer agony. Low, throaty screams rolled out of his mouth as he popped his jaw back into place with a loud snap. Tears rolled down his cheeks and the stinging agony in his bones only caused him to pass out from the shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Please do not set your jaw by yourself, seek medical attention if it dislocates.  
> What I researched for this chapter: How to relocate a jaw
> 
> Thank you all for reading and being such an awesome audience.  
> Please leave a comment!


	14. Just Getting By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 Months After The Events on Mt. Washington

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would write over winter break, looks like I'm only motivated when I have school.  
> This chapter is a bit of a roller coaster too, soooo  
> prepare.

April was significantly warmer for Jess and Emily, by now the girls had fully adapted to living life on the streets. Sure it wasn’t the glorious lives that either of them had wanted, but just being alive was more than enough at this point. The two had been able to rekindle a friendship that they both had assumed was nothing but ash, however that was proven wrong when one night Emily’s blade had dug in a little too deep to her arm and Jess was there doing her damnedest to wrap the wound then proceeded to attempt and calm down Emily so that she wouldn’t pass out from hypovolemic _or_ psychogenic shock. The favour was returned a few nights later when Jess got her hands on a discarded bag of lord knew what and spent the next hour or so hallucinating and convulsing. Emily had  managed to get Jess to sit down and help her regulate her breathing as the drugs set Jess’ pulse through the roof.

Now the girls were inseparable, they shared everything they scrounged up and watched each others back when things got rough and no one was sure what would happen next. They never judged each other for their addictions because they both knew that under it all they were just getting by. It was them against a world that would never understand and they would do everything they could to live another day.

As the sun began setting, Jess slowly meandered her way out from the Underpass and headed into the streets where she would hope and pray for some kind passersby to give her just enough to order something from McDonalds. As the weather warmed up however, the pickings were slim and there were some nights were the entirety of the group had barely scrounged up enough to feed everyone. Some turned to petty theft and dumpster diving to try and bring up the slack, but most times they came up empty handed.

Jess took a seat next to an art supply store and held out her cup, fancy pants artists always had change on them. She watched as people old and young walked in and out of the store, occasionally whimpering out for spare changes, and a few times someone spared a quarter or two. As the evening rolled on and the stores began closing for the night, Jess knew it was about time to head off herself. That is until a fuming artist came storming down the sidewalk with a bag full of paints. He barged into the supply store and Jess could hear the man yelling at the clerk for a refund, something about the paints being “low quality”. There was a moment of silence before the man came charging out with the same bag and tossed it into the trash can before stomping away muttering swears under his breath. Jess took the disposed paints and headed back to the Underpass.

* * *

 

It was Emily’s off night when Jess came bouncing back to the group with a large bag in hand, according to the others, the night had gone by fairly well. The five that went out had managed to make about thirty or so dollars plus a bag of doritos that someone had given instead of money. No matter, free food was the best food.

By now Emily had adjusted to this life, sure she missed everyone (especially Matt) but this was how it had to be, this was the only way she could get by without being judged. No one called her out for the new scars and some even would help patch her up on the days she went a little too deep. Everyone understood that she was getting by, because hell, they all were.

Jess had taken up a seat next to Emily and began pulling out tube after tube of paint, and a large brush. The blonde giggled with excitement and pulled out some pieces of crumpled newspaper from her jacket.

“Jess? What are you doing? How did you find those?” Emily asked.

“I was out by the big art store when some art douche threw these out, I figure if I try and get good at painting I can sell them and we might make it through the summer with enough food.” Jess began laying down thin coats of paint on the paper.

Try? The word stuck out in Emily’s head, if this was still the same Jess she knew...Jess never “tried” anything, she just “did”. Trying meant work and Jess _never_ did work.

“Are you feeling alright?” Emily tapped Jess on the shoulder.

“Never better.” Jess dipped her finger in paint and began smearing lines.

For the rest of the night Emily watched as Jess painted on everything she could get her hands on, as smoke floated up from the bummed cigarette she must have gotten from a passerby. What started out as sloppy lines on newspaper scraps turned into child-like sunsets and forests that Jess softly giggled at as she turned her art upside down then rightside up again before adding more layers of paint down. However it wasn’t long before Emily found herself curling up into her sleeping bag listening to her friend softly mumble a happy song to herself.

“ _Good job Jess._ ”

* * *

 

The next morning Emily awoke as soon as the sun rose only to find Jess cozily wrapped up in her blankets with paint smudges all over face and a smile on her lips. Emily let out a soft sigh and smiled herself because even if Jess had her reasons for losing herself to the crack pipe, Emily still quietly disapproved out of a deep rooted fear that something bad could still happen. She looked at her own arm, noticing that her own scars had begun to fade and that it had been at least a week and a half since she had a  blade to her skin. It was strange, knowing that she had found a form of contentment living homelessly under a bridge with someone who was once her worst enemy. Emily crawled out of her warm sleeping bag and stumbled over to the cooking fire where Ryan was stirring something in a pot.

“Morning,” He yawned and scratched his cheek, “James and Mark found some veggies that fell out of the delivery truck earlier. So I’m making a soup-thing.”

Emily sat next to the fire and rubbed her hands, mornings were always a little too cold for her.

“I saw Jess was up doing something last night, looked like...Painting?” Ryan continued as he poured Emily a small bowl of the vegetable broth.

“Yeah, she found some paints last night. She wants to try and sell paintings.” Emily sipped the broth, it was a little bland but at least it was enough to take the chill off.

“Well, more power to her. You’re on duty today right Emily?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Heard the Thrift Shop is cleaning out inventory, might wanna check out around there see if you can snag something or whatever. I know Frankie is hitting it up right now.”

“Thanks for the tip, but I think I’m gonna stop by the grocery and get pretzels or something for everyone since the food’s been low.” Emily walked over to a lock box that had the words “Community Funds” written on top. She fished around and pulled out a five plus some cents and tucked it in her pocket before heading out into the city.

The sidewalks were hardly crowded and Emily was grateful. It meant that no one would look at her funny when she reached into a trashcan to pluck out the tossed away leftovers from a restaurant (which were nicely boxed and still warm, thank God). It was mornings like these where Emily would resume her life planning, searching for the best way to get out of this situation and back to something akin to home. With the weather warming up she could easily travel by foot a lot longer, maybe reach Matt’s in about a day and a half if she was feeling at her best.

“Stupid, Matt doesn’t want to see me.” She scolded herself.

Alright, well maybe she could get a fitness membership. The cheapest ran at about $10 a month, and she could easily come up with that on her own. At least then she would have a shower to use and a locker to store whatever she needed in it. Good plan.

“No. Wait. You need a permanent address for that…”

Emily walked into the grocery store which was also ,thankfully, rather empty. She slowly meandered through the aisles, gazing at everything in stock. Her stomach rumbled as the halogen lights seemed to make every product glisten angelically. But no, she was here for only one thing even if that can of chips looked more appealing than pretzels. Emily shook her head and hightailed it to the pretzels.

“...Three for six...No fair.” Emily softly whined at the sale sign, if she just had another dollar the Underpass would be set for a few days.

“E-Emily?”

Emily jerked her head towards the voice. It was Chris, staring at her in disbelief. She could see the faint lines of concern on his face, it was obvious that he had been through more than his fair share after... _that._ Her instincts told her to run, to hide, scream, cry, attack, anything to get away. She wasn’t worthy to be seen by her…”friend” was to strong of a word since it was obvious Chris didn’t care at all for her. But against the urge to dart off like a terrified fawn, Emily surprised herself by managing to muster a smile and look Chris in the eye.

“O-oh hi C-Chris.” She stuttered out, but Chris didn’t reply. Instead the young man squinted his eyes, evaluating Emily. The minutes passed in silence as Emily shifted uncomfortably, still wanting very much to run away. She watched as Chris reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

“I’m buying snacks for Ash, did you want anything?” He flicked his fingers between bills, counting his funds.

“I...No. I have money.” Emily held up her five and grabbed a bag of pretzels. Chris merely nodded and tucked a one in her hand.

“Also, do you mind if I tell Matt I saw you today? I’ll probably swing by his place after his appointment, after I make sure Ash is doing well.”

“Yeah I...Appointment?” Emily furrowed her brows.

“Yeah, Matt’s been going to therapy. And he’s been doing the best out of all of us.” Chris looked away as if ashamed.

“What do you mean?”

* * *

 

Twenty, twenty drying bed sheets that Jess had managed to crudely tye-dye with a mixture of creek water and paint over the course of the night. She smiled as she watched the fabric limply flutter in the breeze and looked over at the new pile of sheets she had acquired from the thrift store on only a few dollars. She had to soak them first, to at least wash off that musty second-hand smell before setting to work. As Jess tumbled the sheets in the rushing water she heard someone come up behind her.

“You know, you need to make sure people will buy your...work.” Francis, who was sort of like the unofficial leader of the Underpass (actually he just was the one with most of his shit together), commented.

“I know, I’m going to debut one today after I hang these up.” Jess didn’t spare the man a glance as she draped the linens over a makeshift clothesline, “See? All done.”

Francis merely huffed, “Fine. But you can’t spend any money until you make money, that’s how shit works.”

With her back facing Francis, she rolled her eyes before mumbling a “Yeah I know” and taking her finished product up in her hands.

The former sheet had been transformed from a bland baby blue to an abstract skyscape. Darker blue clouds with white splatters of stars ringed a strange sun-moon in the center while pink comets danced and swirled. Some of the clouds were outlined in black along with the finer details. The whole paint  job was rather childish, but Jess quickly discovered that it was the minor details that made the art look complete. She smiled as she tied the sheet around her in a dress like fashion over her tanktop and shorts then pulled a belt she had borrowed from one of the boys around her waist and viola! She had a dress! Jess all but bounded out of the Underpass and disappeared into the crowd.

She could feel people gazing at her creation and whispering to each other. The energy around her had Jess feeling light footed and high, it was almost like in highschool where the other students would look upon her. The hours flew by until the sun began to set. Jess giggled then twirled, her dress fanning out and fluttering. A hand plopped on her shoulder, stopping her mid-spin.

“Excuse me, where did you get that dress?” A young woman asked.

“I designed it, it also works as a tapestry and a bed sheet.” Jess cooed as she unraveled the fabric from her body and shook it out.

“And that’s all hand-done?” The woman took the sheet in her hands, “It’s a little shaky, but it’s quirky too.”

Jess only nodded.

“It seems like just the thing my baby will love.” The woman ran a hand over the swell of her stomach, “How much?”

“Uh...I guess like...fifteen?” Jess needed to prove that she could sell her tapestries, and any cash was better than none.

“Get out! So cheap?” The soon-to-be mother fished in her wallet and handed over a twenty, “Keep the change.”

Jess watched the woman fold up the sheet and disappear into the crowd, a spark ignited under her skin and for once the eternal itch to push liquid death into her veins subsided. She hummed a soft tune as she skipped back to her home where she could (politely) rub it in Francis’ face that yes, her art will sell.

However when she reached the Underpass something didn’t feel quite right. Everything was silent, too silent. The other guys had scrambled, which meant one of two things. Either they had hit it big and were out getting high, or someone had declared their final moments.

“ _We have a policy. Sometimes you realize the world doesn’t need you, just tell me and we’ll give you an hour to either go through with it, or get over it. We won’t judge you._ ” The words of Francis rang through her skull.

Jess heard labored breathing from in the darkness that sounded familiarly like…

“EMILY NO.” Jess shrieked as she witnessed her friend drag another deep line down her arm. Her mind cleared of its high and Jess sprung into action. She tore her tanktop off and crudely ripped it at the seam.

“I-I have to Jess, it’s my fault.” Emily sobbed as Jess wrapped her wounds, but the bleeding hardly stopped.

“No, no no, we’re getting through this _together_.” Jess hissed and snatched the razor from Emily’s hand, tossing it into the dark. She pulled the other girl to her feet and all but dragged her out to the sidewalk screaming, “HELP HELP! MY FRIEND IS DYING, SOMEONE CALL 9-1-1.”

Luckily a passerby did just that, and as the seconds passed like an eternity, Jess prayed to whatever God was out there to keep her best friend alive as blood soaked into the remainder of her clothes. Her prayers grew more frantic as Emily’s eyes shut and her breathing slowed. This wasn’t happening, no, no, not at all, Emily was getting better, _she_ was getting better, it was going to be fine. But there was blood everywhere, so much blood, Emily’s blood, Beth’s blood, _Hannah’s_ blood. Another death that she could have stopped.

As red and white lights filled the sky and a siren broke the silence, Jess fell to her knees with Emily in her arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take care my sweet potatoes!   
> And Happy Valentines day if I don't update before then!


	15. Progression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 Months after Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *jazz hands*  
> A lot happens here!  
> You might want tissues!

It was Friday, Sam’s favorite day. Fridays meant no appointments with the counselor, no housework, no long shift at the grocery store, nothing but the promise to meet Chris and Matt at the pub when evening swung around. It was a sense of stability, of routine, something that felt close to the good old days when everyone would frequent the same old diner, order the same old things, and laugh the night away. Her letters to Josh had grown increasingly shorter as she found herself running out of new things to say. It had also become even more difficult to keep Josh’s current condition under wraps, especially from Chris, but it was a request made by both the hospital and Josh’s parents. Hell the whole reason she even knew was because she was apparently the most recent contact in Josh’s history when they found him and needed to contact someone who knew him. A small part of Sam was grateful it was her and not someone else that was a part of the friend group, because who knew how that could have gone over?

But Sam shook the intrusive thought from her head and went back to reading over the most recent email from her counselor.

_Sam,_

_I’ve been noticing your improvement over the past two months and I think it’s time to discuss your education plans. I know you dropped out of school and have been working almost full time to try and fill the gaps in your life, but I have attached a few programs I have found that you might find interest in. I know how much you like nature, so I think you’d like what I included below._

_\---Angie_

Sam scoffed at the email, she had told Angie time and time again that she just wasn’t cut out for school, that there was nothing in white-walled classroom that she could learn on her own. However, to amuse herself she downloaded the files anyways. The attachments were advertising a summer camp, a _nature_ summer camp, a _nature_ summer camp about _wilderness preservation_. Sam opened the documents and began reading, her heart all but leaping at the opportunity to actually get out in her field, to teach others about the importance of conservation. Warmth spread through her chest as excitement flooded her veins, it had been forever since she had felt so alive! Sam immediately printed the forms and started filling them out with her information, perhaps this was the start something great.

* * *

 

Chris was pre-gaming it as he sat in his room at his computer typing lines and lines of code for an app he was working on. It was his second bottle of hard cider for the day and he still had five or so hours until he headed to the pub. What a great place it was; as long as he supplied his own drinks none of the hosts questioned it, and with a cheesy enough grin he could get away with snagging a shot for free. The only obstacle ( issue? problem? dilemma?) was when it came to visiting Ashley on Wednesdays. She had grown more observant, or Chris had become careless, and would note the scent of alcohol on his breath. It made him feel guilty for some reason. So now Chris was never without a pack of gum or breath strips to hide the hours he passed downing bottle after bottle.

Whatever, there was still coding to finish before heading out tonight and Chris wanted to at least feel like he had gotten somewhere. So with another long sip he resumed tack-tack-tacking away at his keyboard, watching scrolls of commands, functions, styles, and tags flash by his eyes. He was so distracted in his work that he didn’t hear the door open behind him.

“Drinking _again_ Christopher?” A rather annoyed voice called.

“What do you mean ‘ _again_ ’ Izzy?” Chris spun around in his chair to face his older sister.

“Exactly what you think, I didn’t fly all the way from friggin’ New Hampshire to visit just to see my baby brother stumble his way into an addiction.” ‘Izzy’ leaned against the door and ran a hand through her long blonde hair.

“I’m not going to get addicted, sheesh.” Chris rolled his eyes and threw up his hands.

“Says the kid who stole my peach brandy, then tried to fix it by filling it with water and food dye. Says the kid who’d mixed vodka and juice in his water bottle.”

Chris gulped and turned away to hide the surprise on his face.

“That’s right Chris, I _know_ . I know because my last girlfriend did the _same damn thing_. And guess what? It didn’t take long to figure out she was an alcoholic.”

The memory came flooding to Chris’ head, he was only fourteen and his sister had come home from college with tears in her eyes and a cast on her arm because her girlfriend had drank herself violent and struck Izzy when questioned about her drinking habits. The days afterwards included calls from the school, calls to the police, visits to the hospital, and all over chaos.

“Well, I’m not like her. I know when to stop _Isabella_.” The name rolled off his tongue like acid, no longer wanting to hear his sister’s rant.

“Alright Chris. I’ll keep this secret for now, but know I _will_ step in when I need to.” Isabella left the room, closing the door behind her.

Anger bubbled deep in Chris’ stomach as he tightly gripped the bottle on his desk. With a few large gulps he downed the rest of the cider, temporarily quelling the heat inside.

He didn’t have a problem.

Not at all.

* * *

 

The session with the therapist ran longer for Matt, he had to tell his doctor exactly what he had learned about Emily. It was back to square one for Matt, he placed Emily’s decision on his shoulders. If only he had been kinder, more supportive, gotten help earlier, if just _something_ had been different then maybe Emily wouldn’t be in her current state. But the therapist only reassured him that Emily is not Matt’s responsibility.

“Look, Dr. Stormare, I know she’s not _technically_ my responsibility, but I just keep...I...What if I hadn’t turned her away?” Matt paced around the room, his hands fidgeting, words becoming more and more incoherent.

Dr. Stormare clicked his tongue and stood up, “Matthew, would you like to see Emily?”

Matt stopped in his tracks, “She’s...here?”

“She’s been been here for...about a week, I’ve just started working with her a few days ago.” The doctor lead Matt down the hallway, through the psych ward, past another wing, and into the ICU section of the hospital. Matt’s stomach dropped, he knew something terrible must have happened if Emily was here.

Dr. Stormare knocked on the door to Emily’s room. As the two of them entered Matt could hear a nurse exasperatedly talking to Emily.

“You have to _eat_.” They nearly pleaded.

“The dead don’t eat.” Emily replied, her voice barely a whisper.

“You want to be off the supplements don’t you?” The nurse tried again. Matt watched Emily nod weakly, “Then _eat_. Please.”

“Nathan, leave the applesauce, I’ll see if I can get a word with her alright?” Dr. Stormare dismissed the nurse and motioned for Matt to take a seat next to his girlfriend.

She looked so frail, dark circles hung under her eyes while her face seemed hollow, scars in varying states of healing ran up and down Emily’s arms, and two thick tracks of stitches down her left forearm.

“Ma-Matt?” Emily blinked a few times as she turned her head to look over at her boyfriend, “Oh good, you’re dead too.”

Matt recoiled in shock, what the hell was she going on about?

“You’re dead like Jess is, and Chris, why do you act like you’re alive? You’re _dead_.” Emily continued, her eyes reflecting a deep worry. Matt looked up at Dr. Stormare, confusion obviously lining his face, however the feeling of thin fingers on his arm drew his attention back to the girl in bed.

“Matt, I’m sorry. I had to die, I was too stupid to live. It was my decision to be stupid. I’m sorry. And now you’re dead.” She weakly pulled his arm, signalling him to move closer.

Matt did all he could to not burst into tears, here was his girlfriend in some delusional state that she was dead, that everyone was dead. He leaned in closer, now getting a better look at Emily’s face, and how under all of the pain etched in her skin...it was still her. The sensation of dry lips on his temple snapped Matt back to reality.

“E-Emily?” His voice cracked as tears rolled down his face, “You’re not dead. I’m not dead. I...I can’t bear to see you like this. I-it’s not you.” The pressure in his head was too much, he had to lower his forehead onto Emily’s lap as the tears continued to flow.

“Matt...I’m sorry, it had to be this way. I still love you Matt. Even if we’re dead. You know, you were so kind to me...even when I didn’t deserve it.” Emily’s voice grew softer as she ran her fingers over Matt’s scalp, “You were always there. You always cared. I’m sorry you aren’t well now.”

“No! Em I...I...It’s my f-fault.” Matt snapped his head back up, but Emily just shook her head ‘no’.

“Matt...Matt...You aren’t at fault, the only thing you are responsible for is _you_.”

There was a silence in the room, and Matt slowly rose from his seat and stepped backwards. He looked at the clock on the wall.

6:00pm, almost time to head to the pub.

“Matt, you can come see me any time, okay? I missed you.”

It took every ounce of strength for Matt not to break down again. Dr. Stormare lead him out of the room.

“Cotard’s Syndrome.”

“What?” Matt looked up at the Psychologist.

“That’s what Emily has, Cotard’s Syndrome or Walking Corpse Syndrome. She honestly believes she is dead, and apparently believes her friends are dead too.”

“Can you...fix it?”

“Of course, with enough treatment she should be fine.”

Fine.

Fine…

He needed to be fine too.

* * *

 

The pub was packed to the brim with people watching the baseball game on the various televisions as they shouted over one another in excitement. The stench of alcohol and burgers permeated the air and Sam pressed herself further into her booth waiting for her friends to arrive. Her eyes kept to the door that never seemed to stop swinging as more and more patrons filled the room. Sam took a few cleansing breaths and reminded herself that her friends hadn’t ditched her.

“Heya Sam.” Chris called from behind causing Sam to jolt.

“Y-you’re already here?” Sam caught her breath.

“Yeah, got here about...ten or so minutes ago, I was in the bathroom...something I ate didn’t quite agree with me.” The blond scooted into the booth.

“Then you should have stayed home!”

Chris just waved a hand and scoffed to show that he was fine.

“Sam’s right y’know” Matt agreed as he approached, “You don’t look so great.”

Matt was right Sam noted upon closer inspection, Chris’ face was severely flushed and his eyes seemed a little red.

“I’m fine!” Chris slammed a hand on the table, “Fine.” he withdrew and hugged himself.

The sound of the crowd in the pub only grew louder as the air tensed, the three friends exchanged awkward glances.

“So uh…” Chris scratched the back of his head, “H-How was your session today Matt?” He looked eager to change the subject.

“It was...Well…” Matt sharply inhaled, “I saw Emily, she thinks she’s dead...the doctors are having a hell of a time trying to get her to eat.”

Another awkward moment, Chris shuddered, Sam pursed her lips, and Matt kneaded his fingers.

“I got an opportunity to teach at a summer camp” Sam mentioned, “I’m going to call the supervisor tomorrow to get the full details.”

A “That’s good” and “Cool” were uttered from the two other men.

More awkward, the pub was now roaring around them.

Sam watched as Chris shivered violently for a moment, his gaze grew glassy and his face suddenly paled. Matt’s eyes widened as he threw his arms around Chris and stabilized him from slamming face down into the table. He turned to look at Sam with a mixture of concern and seriousness on his face.

“Call an ambulance.”

* * *

 

Dr. Peter Stormare sat at his desk, finishing up the rest of his paperwork for the evening so that he could head home and relax. As he filed away the last report there was a knock on the door.

“Doctor?”

“Ah, Angie. Come in.” The Psychologist motioned the other Counselor in.

“I have a new file for the Washington Case.” Angie placed a thin manilla folder on Peter’s desk next to several others, their tabs reading;

 _J.R.Washington 295.90_  , F43.1  
_A.G. Steinman  296.33, R45.851_  
_M.J. Fisher 300.02_  
_S.H.Panettiere 296.35 , R45.84_  
_E.N.Bloom V60.0, 297.1, R45.851_  
And the newest one,  
_C.N. Fleiss 303.90_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I researched for this chapter  
> -Cotard's Syndrome (Yes, it exists)  
> -Alcohol Poisoning  
> -DSM-5 Codes  
> (Psychology is really cool)  
> Take care everyone!


	16. Small World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 Months after the events on Mt. Washington

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK. BACK AGAIN?!

“Mornin’ Josh.” A voice awoke Josh from another dreamless slumber. He wearily looked over at the other bed where his roommate was tying, untying, retying, untying, and finally retying his sneakers.

“Mmmnngh, ‘ey.” Josh greeted back, his voice rough with sleep.

“I’m going to get breakfast, you coming?”

“In a bit, I wanna shower first and stuff.”

“Okay man, I’ll see ya.” The roommate had his hand on the knob, his fingers shaking against the metal. Josh could practically see the compulsion racing through the other young man’s body.

“Pete,” Josh garnered his roomie’s attention, “One turn to open, one to close.”

“Right.” Pete took a deep breath and turned the knob once and pulled the door open before leaving, another click sounded as the knob turned back into place. The sound made Josh smile, his new friend had made such progress since they were roomed together a few weeks ago. In all honesty he was surprised that the doctors let him out of solitary only a few days after his episode, but it also filled him with joy that he really was reaching a sense of stability after so many years.

“ _ Hey, breakfast. _ ” Beth hummed and Josh started his morning routine.

Beth had become just another part of his life, she would encourage him to be a little more, help him calm down, reassure him in the nights where nothing felt quite real. Neither he nor the doctors could really pin down  _ what _ Beth was since she defied all means of logic when it came to medicine. However since she wasn’t causing any harm to Josh it was decided that he deal with more of his pressing matters and then handle the Beth situation.

Josh slipped on a pair of sandals and headed out into the hall where he saw a flash of auburn hair exit the door opposite him.

“Ashley?” “JOSH?!”

“Oh my go--”

“HOW CAN--”

“I don’t--”

Josh felt the air get knocked out of his lungs as a pair of pale arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. We thought you were  _ dead _ . Josh...Oh  my gosh...I can’t believe it. After all this time...Oh gosh…” Ashley sobbed and buried her face in the crook of her friend’s neck. Josh slowly brought his arms around the other girl’s back and just stood there. His mind reeled at the realization that all this time he had been so close to one of his best friends. It was so surreal, and he soon came to the conclusion that the rest of the gang must have been in and out of the hospital hundreds of times without him knowing. In all honesty, he wanted to be angry just a little bit, but Josh knew that he was in no state to deal with the repercussions of his actions.

“Hey, Ashley?” Josh pulled away from the girl.

“Yeah?” Ashley hummed.

“What are you doing in the  _ men’s _ ward?”

Josh watched as his friend’s face shifted to a downright flustered expression.

“I...I got lost. It’s my first day out of solitary and I thought I knew my way around, but I didn’t and then I  _ really _ had to go pee and all there are is men's rooms…” Her words grew more and more frantic as she twisted her fingers together. Josh could only laugh as he patted Ashley on the shoulder.

“Well c’mon, I’ll show you how to get to the cafeteria.”

* * *

 

Ashley had always cursed the doctor’s orders to keep her on suicide watch after her little incident with the bathtub. Even after her long winded rant to Angie her counsellor it was still decided that she remain in the hospital which meant letters to school explaining that she wouldn’t be attending until the hospital declared her stable, nightly phone calls with mom and dad where she could hear her mother’s voice breaking, and weekly visits from Chris with the stench of alcohol floating around him like a cloud. Ashley didn’t have it in her to bring any of it up to Chris though, she only mentioned it once to him and she watched as he practically winced away in fear. Now though, being in the hospital might have finally paid off because here she was sitting in the cafeteria with none other than Josh Washington who had been presumed dead for months. She couldn’t help but stare at the webs of scars running along his left cheek, knowing that there was some kind of story behind that. The two sat in a silence that shifted between comforting and awkward as they slowly ate their breakfasts. 

“So...How’s Chris doing?” Josh asked between bites.

“He’s...doing. I think he’s relying on alcohol to solve this clusterfuck of issues.” Ashley sighed  and scrubbed a hand over her face.

There was another silence before Josh spoke up again, “Well, haven’t you brought it up to him?”

“Once...and he just…” Her voice trailed off as she pushed around the eggs on her plate.

“Ashley?”

“It’s just...exhausting. Like. I haven’t seen anyone since,” She and Josh shared a glance, “yeah and it’s just exhausting. I feel like we’d all do better if we just came together and tried to work it out  _ together _ .”

“That’s easy for  _ you _ to say.” Josh looked away with a grumble.

“Josh...Look. The shit you pulled...that wasn’t cool, but neither was what we did to Hannah and Beth. I mean, if that shit happened to like my cousin Jesse I’d probably get...disturbed too.”

“ _ They don’t hate you anymore Josh. Hate is so tiring. _ ” Beth uttered through the white noise of the crowd.

“I don’t think...I can  _ forgive _ you for everything...but I can  _ accept _ that you’re obviously working to be better. I mean, hell, you’re alive!” 

A smile broke across Josh’s face, “That...yeah. I get it. Thanks.” 

Another silence fell over the two as they finished their respective meals, one that was more comfortable. Slowly the other patients meandered out of the cafeteria and it wasn’t long before Ashley and Josh were on their own separate ways for their appointments.

“Hey Ashley?”

“Yeah?”

“See you at dinner?”

Ashley just smiled and nodded.

“Just don’t wind up in the men’s room again, okay?” Josh chuckled while Ashley made a face of faux annoyance.

As Josh wandered to Dr. Stormare’s office he wonded if any of the others were also in the small world that was the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, buuuuuutttt....


	17. Small Graces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 Months after the events at Blackwood Pines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c  
> DOUBLE UPDATE

Everything was so much harder after Emily had been taken away. People suddenly seemed crueler, weather grew harsher, and drugs felt so much sweeter. The crawling feeling under Jess’ skin had returned as she painted away at another tapestry. Thick black lines turned into trees and birds that silhouetted a pink and red sky. The other guys that lived in the underpass had resorted to leaving Jess alone as if she was infected with the plague, but she doesn’t care, she can’t bring herself to. Everything had become so numb to her that even in the early hours of the morning when Jess would half a line of cocaine working through her system she still couldn’t feel any semblance of regret for succumbing her her old addiction. 

Jess removed her newest creation from the wall and hung it on a small line to dry before grabbing several other hand-painted tapestries  and stumbling out to the streets. It was noon, prime time for sales while people were out on lunch breaks and kids skipping school were just waking up. She plopped herself down on the familiar street corner where a small ratty cushion was propped against the wall of a small market and sets out her finished tapestries. She watched as various citizens bustled by, no longer paying attention to her creations. There was once a time where some people would wait on the corner for her to come around and then buy her art, but now? Not so much. 

As the hours tick by, the crawling under her skin intensifies and Jess knows that tonight will be another night where she’ll need to succumb. However her stash was empty she recalled as the streetlight above her flickered on. She quickly patted down her pockets, feeling for any loose change that would be enough for one hit. In her moment of distraction she didn’t hear her name being called.

“Ma’am?” The voice spoke up, drawing Jess from her pockets.

“U-Uh yes! Hello, can I help you?” Jess did her best to smile without showing her teeth.

“How much is your work?” The light finally caught Jess’ eyes and she could tell that the asker was an elderly woman of about eighty. She looked so sweet and innocent that Jess felt almost ashamed to be the object of this woman’s attention.

“U-Uh about...twenty for each. They’re all hand painted by me and can be used as decoration, bedsheets, or even a dress when tied right.” 

“I’d like the five you have please. They’d be perfect for my grandchildren.” The woman began fishing around her purse.

“M-Ma’am! Th-Thank you! I can cut the price to fifty for you, since you’ve been so nice.”

But the woman refuses and pushes a hundred dollar bill into Jess’ hand, “These are so well done and I know how much artists need the money.” She scoops up the five tapestries and heads on her way.

For several moments, Jess was dumbstruck. In only the span of a few minutes she had made one hundred dollars, and she knew  _ exactly  _ where it was going.

* * *

 

There was a man that she had heard of on the passing lips of the other “Princesses” back when she was bound to the side of a demon. This man was said to have “a release so sweet, you’d touch the moon” but he could only be found in the high-class part of town in a golden building.  If Jess didn’t know better, she would’ve said that this man didn’t exist, but she did know better and she knew that several “Princesses” had once worked at this Palace.

As Jess waited for the bus she tried her best to ignore the twitching of her muscles and the pounding in her chest, as her hunger grew dangerously strong. She patted the change in her pocket, just enough for the fare as the bus pulled to the stop. The sudden sensation of being watched hit Jess as she stepped into the cabin, as if everyone could see through her intentions and were judging her. But she swallowed down the feeling and dropped her change in the fare box and took a seat in the back of the bus. Her thoughts slowly drifted to Emily, the constant worry that she may be dead and Jess would never know. She clenched her hands and swore she could still feel Emily’s blood in her palms. Jess’ breath hitched as she pictured her friend’s dying face being washed out by red and white lights. 

“I’m sorry…” Jess quietly sobbed as she watched the golden lights in the distance draw near. 

The bus hissed to a stop and Jess all but stumbled off and began searching for her man. She noticed a few people in varying states of distress wander into an alley next to the Palace and followed them deeper and deeper into the dark. There she found an impossibly handsome man with all sorts of paraphernalia strewn out on a table. Several other strangers gathered around the man as they exchanged their cash for drugs, and Jess was no different. With the hundred out of her hands and a clean needle against her veins, she felt alive. Her hand shook as she pushed liquid death into her blood, but as she withdrew the needle a small stream of crimson rolled down her arm.

“ _ EMILY NO! _ ” She could hear herself scream as the memory came back at full force. She could hear herself wailing as her friend lay dying in her arms. Her brain reeled and explored what if the situation was reversed? What if it were Emily holding  _ her _ body? Jess felt sick in more ways than one. Her heart pounded and sweat rolled down her face as she tripped over her own two feet trying to escape the crawling death in her body. A pair of hands pulled her off the ground and words became an incoherent sludge of sound in her head as she felt her shorts get tugged down her waist. Jess flailed and screeched, but her attempts were null as more hands joined the fray. Hot tears rolled down her face because this wasn’t how she was going to die, used and discarded like yesterday’s garbage.

Suddenly another voice rang out, one that was oddly familiar. Jess was dropped to the ground as her body slowly wavered out of consciousness. The last this she remembered was the sound of a gun going off.

* * *

 

Pain, a dull throbbing pain that radiated from the source. Mike held his hand to his side where thick gauze was wrapped and padded against a bullet wound. He groaned and let out a cough as the pain seemed to spread, obviously the painkillers weren’t enough. Mike knew he was in the hospital, he was the one to call the ambulance as he bled out next to the poor girl with the mop of blonde hair. Speaking of which, he didn’t recognize her as one of the dancers, but as the ghost of a girl he once loved long ago. But that was too good to be true.

A soft moan came from the next bed over and every muscle in Mike’s body stiffened.

Could it be? He threw back the curtain around his outpatient bed and all but screamed.

“J-Jess? Jessica?” Mike went to move, but ( _ ow) _ something seemed to sting him right in the dick. He scrunched his face and reached down to hopefully adjust the problem, (and  _ ow ow ow that’s a catheter all right) _ . But Mike wasn’t going to let a gunshot wound and a tube up his urethra stop him from finally holding his girlfriend after all these months. He shuffled himself onto the ground and achingly crawled over to the other bed where he could loosely entwine his fingers with Jess’.

Jess moaned again as her eyes cracked open and her gaze moved to Mike’s. Tears instantly welled in her eyes as Mike proceeded to try and crawl next to her. He hissed in pain and gritted his teeth as he pulled himself up before screaming out in sheer agony as the catheter tube was forced out of him. 

“Mike! Mike! Oh my god!” Jess all but shrieked as he pulled himself up onto the single person bed. Tears welled up in his eyes as he peppered his girlfriend’s face in desperate kisses. He could feel her fragile hands pull him closer. By now several nurses had come into the large outpatient room and were rightfully baffled. 

Several nurses tried to move Mike back to his bed, but he was having none of it. There was a moment where one nurse called to sedate him, but was quickly cut off by a shrill “NO!” from Jess.

“H-He’s my boyfriend...I...I haven’t seen him in  _ months _ .” She sobbed and clung to Mike like he was the last person on earth, “Please, just...let him stay…”

Mike watched as his girlfriend broke down into a mess of tears while the nurses slowly aided in getting him situated next to Jess. There was one moment when a nurse offered to help get the catheter back in, but Mike shot it down with an “I can use the bathroom on my own, thanks.” He was too damn tired for politeness. After a few more seconds of awkward shuffling, crying, and soft offers of food or water Mike finally realised what was going on.

He was safe, he was  _ alive _ , and Jess...Jess was safe and alive too! She was right here! Mike buried his face in the crook of Jess’ neck and inhaled deeply. She smelt of trouble, worry, smoke, paint, dirt, and so many things that made her all the more here in the moment. He wasn’t going to stop the tears that were streaming from his eyes because goddamn did he miss her  _ so _ much. The two of them lay there for several minutes, just taking in the sensations that they’re finally together again.

“I’m sorry. So sorry I couldn’t protect you.” Mike sobbed as Jess ran her fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry I ran.” Jess whispered back, her own tears beginning to fall. 

“God I thought I lost you.”

“I thought I’d never see you again.”

“I love you…”

“I love you too.”

As the evening turned into the early hours of the morning, Mike and Jess slowly drifted asleep in each other’s embrace. Finally, together at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theeeee End!  
> Lmao JK kiddos.  
> We still have quite a bit left.   
> Im going to try and write every day to finish this as fast as I can.   
> We're in the final stretch!


End file.
